I'm rolling, jumping my car without knowing where I went. I reduce the volume of my radio that I can hear just the sound of the tires which rub on the road and the soft murmur of the motor. I always dreamed to have a large cars, sign of comfort. my physical state does not permit me to travel in a small Japanese car. I cover kilometers without too much knowing or this voyage will carry out me, then I find myself in a small city at two hours of at home. This small city saw me growing; it is here that I passed the major part of my life. In time or I had ten years I was really happy even if my family were rather poor. I could spend all the day in playing outside and when arrived the summer I were always in several projects in the same time, such as for example, one moment ago of the summer or I made Community radio and I played the principal part of a play which lasted approximately two hours. I pass in front of the cemetery of the place and as by reflex I enter towards its door for discuss with my guardian angel, my grandfather and my grandmother who has died for almost three years, while my grandfather has to leave us there is more than twenty years. That is not a place or It is not good to be in those places without good reason because all these people are here for the eternal rest and we must respect their choice. They were what we are and we will be what they are. It is the all, natural law that life, dies. Since I have black thoughts, If I am here that’s not for nothing. Further at the end of a line is buried one of my cousins, he had been a little brother for me, also had the evil to him to live and an evening or he was alone, he said us good-bye. I didn’t believe that my presence in this cemetery was a pure coincidence. It had been removed the life and since the beginning of the day I have suicidal thoughts, I do not manage to find solutions has my problems, I believe that each day I am inserted always more and I have a physical pain which without medicaments is unbearable. I kneel in front of the tomb stone of my cousin and I clean a little around while speaking to him. After a half hour I prepare to set out again for the centre town to point out memories to me. Before leaving I detach from my wrist a bracelet of friendship which I leave on the edge of the epitaph.
That made me good thinks of these members of my family who left us. I wonder nevertheless if there is another thing after death, is what we finish our life like it makes the dogs and the cats or if we really will join God. Nobody never then returned so it's impossible for us to know. I arrive opposite the building where apartments or I lived with my parents. Any kind of remembering returns to me to the spirit, I can almost smell the odors of the past. I stop taking a meal with small restoring centre town which has practically not changed for twenty years. There are faces which are familiar for me, probably people with whom I was at the school. I recognize them of sight but the names escape to me. I finish my meal and does not delay me longer because I want to turn over at home before fallen the night and the memories in this place is difficult has to revive because in time I there was so happy, they are has to wonder how I came from there has more to recognize me. I go up in the car to take and I arrive at home a little before laying down it sun. I see my children who jump of joy by seeing me. I enter inside, and I see my wife who hides the face with her hands and I can see that she cried. I ask him for which reason. She says that she fell on a note which I had left on my bedside table and who said that I would have died better than suffering. I cannot know how to make me forgiven such an awkwardness of my share. I dry his tears to him and ask her to prepare us coffee. While the children have fun outside we discuss around a cup coffee sitting in the patio. She does not want that it arrives to me something which would deprive the children of their father.