Star American actress Brooke Shields bares all in this intimate insight into Post Natal
Depression and how she
dealt with it. It takes the reader through her emotional upheaval, her confusing and irrational thoughts and even her worst moments before she "conquered" the insidious disease. She felt she lost her identity as an actress and was ashamed that she was "failing" as a mother. Importantly, it also goes through her first attempts to defeat it with
medication and how she later became unstuck when she prematurely stopped popping the pills. Like a majority of first-time mothers, Brooke arrived home with a
baby and felt overwhelmed at the task of looking after such a helpless little person. When her maternal instincts failed to kick in automatically, she became withdrawn, shocked, listless and cried more than her baby. She had no desire to nurture her baby girl. She loved her, wanted to protect her, but also imagined throwing her against the wall. These contradictory
feelings were confusing and exhausting - to Brooke and her husband. Outside influences were also contributing to Brooke's depression - the death of her father to cancer and the suicide of close friend and actor collegue, David Strickland. Brooke agreed to take medication against her anti-drug ethos, all the while berating herself for needing them when other new
mums did not. She called in a baby nurse to help her through the nightmare and was surprised at how easy it was to establish a daily routine to make her new role as a
Mum more manageable and thus, less depressing and stressful. She gave up the medication once she started feeling more confident within herself, without telling anyone. She relapsed and again sucuumbed to feelings of inadequacy. She was afraid of failing her daughter and not being the best Mum in the world. She began to examine the complicated relationship she had with her own mother and dealt with long-running issues of loyalty and power between the generations. Brooke has now found peace with herself and enjoys every aspect of being a mother. The depression haze is gone. Many mums will identify with this book.
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