Here I am, back in that
little room of mine with red curtains and fluffed pillows, concentrating in front of my computer screen with an empty
box of GODIVA
chocolate which I
didn''t eat. Here I am, writing my first note after a ten days trip I''ve badly waited for and amazingly enjoyed. Here I am, where I''m supposed to be for the time being, as helpless as I am about it.
For the first time since our return, I find myself alone in my bedroom without any disturbances. And for the first time since our return, I feel less down about it after three days of depression. Yesterday I just wanted to run away, that I actually wore my sneakers at 11 am in the morning and went out for a fast jog, under the burning sun of August. Deep inside, I wanted to find that feeling of freedom I have once found abroad, but I failed in finding it. What I found is two old men watching me run, sitting on a blue Taxi Mercedes and smoking their smelly cigarettes. I must admit, I didn''t mind them. Perhaps if I treat them that way, they would start considering themselves as more "open-minded" and let people run without staring at them. If that doesn''t work out... well they will die in a couple of years, so who cares. I look at that empty chocolate box, heart-shaped. I open it. A sweet smell of chocolate spreads out. I ate only one piece out of the 20 and gave the rest to the family. They
loved it. I didn''t find it as good. But my opinion is filled with subjectivity, knowing that I savor these pieces in my home and not in that rented chalet that hosted us. Thus I keep the empty box. I open it again... this time to fill it with flashbacks.
I walked the
streets of Europe, never tired of admiring, never tired of meditating. Every street shared a special aspect of itself and every street poured its generosity by letting us start our own memories. How many times have I walked the lanes thinking how I could spend the rest of my life just walking these lanes? As I type the following, I put my Alitalia plane ticket in that empty box. What really amazed me is the variety of feelings I have had, so different yet so real. Some streets were really fun and funny. Some streets were really beautiful. Some streets made you smile genuinely. Some streets made you think and some were incredibly romantic. Regardless the differences and the mixture of feelings, every street would make your heart beat in a way. I place two feathers in the box. What I also loved about France in particular is the clarity I have found about issues that have tormented me in the past and the peace I have met. I remember the forests and the foggy roads, the hikes in the evening and the games at night, the road trips and the TomTom directions. I place the first tramway ticket in that box. I loved the Tram... I loved the sites and loved the wind that tickled my naked neck. Time flew by... I place the second Tramway ticket in that box. It carried along with it the reality that came, the reality that every vacation comes to an end. But I''m thankful. Otherwise, vacations wouldn''t taste the same.
So this will be my last entry about that beautiful trip, because let''s face it, that trip ended and I need to have a grip of reality now. I have other things to look forward to, like Elia''s wedding next month, Nadine''s wedding in November and my next semester where I will be taking full credits since that was my resolution. Here I am, back in that little room of mine with red curtains and fluffed pillows, concentrating in front of my computer screen with an empty box of GODIVA chocolate which I didn''t eat... that is no longer empty. Now it is filled with tiny bits of linkages that should remind me of eternal memories I''ll cherish each and every time that box appears.
(08/22/07- 12:04am- Lebanon)
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