I became the new girl exactly eleven years ago, when my parents decided to move from Achrafieh to Jounieh in 1996. I thus
left behind my garden, my big balcony, my school and my friends, satisficing for an unknown future and blurry promises. Somehow I managed to compromise all the previous for a new luxury...my new very own room, and I didn''t really think twice about it.
We moved in that day with our packed boxes, not really knowing where to fit everything, not because of the boxes number but because everything needed to be perfectly organized. Afterall... it was a new house! I didn''t really help in the unpacking process, I rarely help in house chours anyway. I remember me being too busy doing something else. Back then, there weren''t as many buildings around us, therefore one could see an amazing view of the sea. And it was the first time I could spot it from my bedroom balcony. It was the first time I ever really had a bedroom of my own, not shared with my sister who used to lock me out of it on a daily basis, back in the Achrafieh residency. So I just sat there, admiring that view. It was the first time that view kept me company, the way it is keeping me company right at this exact second.
I have tried hard to stay in touch with my old school friends, by phone that is. I used to call some of them on a daily basis... then on a weekly basis... then on a monthly basis... then disconnected myself completely. One of them, however, managed to survive that disconnection, whom I kept calling every year on August the 3rd. Why is that? Because fate had wanted her to be born a day prior to me, so it became a new tradition for me to call her on the 3rd, and her to call me on the 4th.
I tried to stay in touch with another one, one whom I remember perfectly well. Her name was Rania Abi Eid and her mother''s name was Nicole. She had two younger brothers who used to annoy us when we went to her place to play, Rami and Jad. She had black curly hair, keeping it short and her eyes were green. Rania would smile only when she felt it was appropriate to smile and she was mature for her age. I once slapped her hard when we were kids... and I regret doing that now. We used to like each other a lot, yet someday... we
stopped communicating. I stopped calling her because I had other friends at my new school, and I was too busy showing them my new very own room. And she stopped calling me because I now lived at another city... somehow felt like another country. And when one day I had decided to call her again, her phone was disconnected and no one knew anything about her... Obviously she has followed my foot prints and disconnected herself as well. I used to remember her mom dreaming about a new house, so I''m guessing they, too, have moved away and moved on. Or they have probably travelled abroad... But what is really interesting is the fact I keep googling her name every once in a while... I have no idea why I do that, I just type her name and press "search". I never find anything. I have once tried
searching for her here on facebook and I found a name similar to hers, thus and without hesitation I messaged her... but I never received a reply.
But now I think... what would happen if I were to find her? The same old thing... I send her a couple of messages to which she would reply, add her to my friends list on MSN, chat with her daily the first week... a bit less the second week, and then only nudge her when I want to wish her a happy birthday. One of us would suggest meeting up someday, the other would instantly agree saying it''s a great idea... However we would never meet. It has been 15 years that I yearly call my other friend to wish her a happy birthday... knowing that it would take me less than 15 minutes to drive there and actually give her a birthday hug. Yet I never did that and I doubt I would ever do.
Perhaps it is just the thought of having an old childhood friend whom we think she''s perfecterstand us just by looking into our eyes. Perhaps it is the need of clinging to an old childhood memory so that we believe there are still some innocent people in this world. Perhaps it is just me and my persistence that makes me want to find someone who has disapeared while everyone else failed in finding her. Perhaps it is Rania who maybe remembers me too... But if she really wanted to find me, she would have found me by now. Meanwhile and until I find the answer... I will keep searching whenever I feel like searching.
(09/18/07- 1:57pm- Lebanon)