What should you do if you catch your child playing "doctor," i.e., showing private parts to another child? Children 3 to
6 years of age are most likely to play "doctor." Many
parents overreact when they witness or hear of such behavior. Heavy-handed scolding is NOT the way to deal with the situation. Nor should parents feel this is promiscuous behavior or will lead to promiscuity. Often, the presence of a parent is enough to interrupt the play. You may wish to direct your child''s attention to another activity without making a lot of fuss. Later, sit down with your child for a talk. Explain that although you understand her interest in her friend''s body, she is getting to be a big girl and people are generally expected to keep their bodies covered in public. This way you have set limits without having made the child feel guilty. This is also an appropriate age to begin to talk about good and bad touch. Tell your child that her body is her own and that she has the right to privacy. No one should touch her if she doesn''t like it or want it. Tell her that if anyone ever touches her in a way that feels strange or bad, she should tell that person to stop it and then tell you about it. Explain that you want to know about anything that makes her feel bad or uncomfortable. When should parents sit children down for that all-important "birds and bees" discussion? Actually, never! Learning about sex should not occur in one all-or-nothing session. It should be more of an unfolding process, one in which the child learns, over time, what she needs to know. Questions should be answered as they arise so that the child''s natural curiosity is satisfied as she matures. If your child doesn''t ask questions about sex, don''t just ignore the subject. At about age 5, you can begin to introduce books that approach sexuality on a developmentally appropriate level. Parents often have trouble finding the right words, but there are a number of excellent books to help. At what age should nudity in the home be curtailed? Families set their own standards for nudity, modesty, and privacy. Although every family''s values are different, privacy is an important concept for all children to learn. Parents should explain limits regarding privacy the same way that other house rules are explained - matter-of-factly - so that children don''t come to associate privacy with guilt or secrecy. Generally, children will learn from the limits you establish for them. To what extent can parents depend on the schools to teach sex
education? Parents should begin the sex education process long before it begins in school. The introduction of formal sex education in the classroom varies; many schools start it in the fifth or sixth grade. Some of the topics addressed in a sex education class may include anatomy, contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, and pregnancy. Parents should be open to continuing the dialogue and answering questions at home. Schools tend to teach mechanics and science more than values. This is an area where parents can and should have something to teach. At what age should girls be told about menstruation? Girls (and boys!) should have information by about age 8, some of which may be provided in school. Instructional books are helpful, but mothers should also share their own personal experiences with their daughters, including when their periods first started and what it felt like, and how, like many things, it wasn''t such a big deal after a while.