DYING IN SILENCE
Rita seemed to be over whelmed by anxiety and depression as she poured out her heart to me. She was trying to hide her nervous tension under a calm exterior. She began by explaining that she didn’t understand why she couldn’t cope, why she was simply falling apart, she had looked for solutions in different areas; reading books about coping with anxiety and depression, and attending every marriage and successful living seminar. She got wind of, how ever, these didn’t seem to work for he and her frustration was causing her faith to waiver.
She began to doubt if Christ was the answer, as he didn’t seem to answer her prayers. What was Rita’s problem? Why was she so upset? She couldn’t place her finger on it, except that her husband’s affair had some thing to do with it. Kola, her husband, had been seeing a single girl for about a year, who had had a baby with him. Rita was puzzled by the fact that she couldn’t handle the news of her husband’s child. Strange as it may seem, Rita was no stranger to infidelity. Kola had had many affairs over their eight years of marriage and this was the second child he has fathered out of wedlock. It was obvious that Kola had a problem with self control because Rita could vividly remember that Kola had been seeing other girls even while the were courting.
The fact that she had put up with eight years of infidelity and had been concealing her feelings, was destroying Rita’s health, Kola on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying her passive position on the issue as it afforded him the luxury of having a cook, laundress and mother of his children, as well as permission to maintain countless concubines. Rita had to realize that most of her problems were due to her incredible passivity and lack of critical discernment, she had to see that, although she might passively absorb abuse, her stomach and every nerve in her body were going to argue back, on the other hand developing assertiveness and expressing outrage at Kola’s behavior, would inevitably result in her living him, that was exactly what happened in the end.
Rita was scared of being alone and considering the immoveable roles that Kola played in her life to give her reasons of shying away from divorce, finally, Kola made the decision for her and filled for divorce. The divorce went through and Kola married one of his girl friends. Kola had closed the door to any hope that they would ever get back together again.
Rita was now single and she had to get on with her life.
In courtship, try to identify the flaws of your intended spouse that you can cope with, and those you can not tolerate it is better to have a broken relationship than a failed marriage. Rita knew that Kola was having other affairs while they were courting, but she consciously ignored this sing because she claimed to love him.