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Shvoong Home>Books>STOP CONTROLLING ME! (What to do when someone you love has too much power over you) Review

STOP CONTROLLING ME! (What to do when someone you love has too much power over you)

Book Review   by:VijaiKSharma     Original Authors: Richard J. Stenack; PH.D.
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In our life, there are many kinds of relationships between persons. But no one appears to like the position of control, although it is just a process between the persons. It is a broad problem, but its roots are deep. Many people have strained relationships on its account, but we must not be helpless about it. Every human being is a unique person & hence no two cases may be identical, though they may be similar. If the way we spend our time, the people we meet & which works we do etc., are totally governed by some other person(s), & we are peacefully enduring it, just to keep our work or family relationship, then it amounts to our losing ourselves & a foreboding of trouble for us. Staying in a relationship, where no such controlling problem is there, has its own problems. In eight Chapters of this book, the author discusses this topic from various angles. It is mainly based on his experience as a therapist for the issues connected with controlling, & the examples given in this book are based on the cases of persons having this type of problems, & the work done for their cases during his practice. The book is organized as, the simple process of awareness, understanding, change & prevention. Generally, at the end of each Chapter, exercises have been provided, which are considered helpful for applying them. If awareness & understanding do not get their due attention, in his opinion, problem may relapse. Many persons want to remain in such relationships mainly due to financial problems, inability to get another job etc., & some freedom can be achieved even here through negotiation, with adequate time for the negotiated system to work. However, if we decide to break & leave the relationship, it is a very difficult decision.
We have to overcome fears of uncertainty, worst situations in future, starting afresh in life, influences of outside persons, break ups with other family members esp. the children & other persons etc. We have to prepare for the break up, & make a plan in writing for each of the parameters of life, so that the pains of the break up are reduced. In the final Chapter of the book, the author states that there may be many such cases, with feelings of helplessness, lack of trust & personal loss. But if one finally decides to break from it, it can be done, of course along with its consequences. However, we must think & decide, as we have to fight for ourselves. We must be certain that we have the ability to fight, it is worth fighting for & if we have to lose something in the process, we are ready for it. It is a painful process, since personal freedom from any relationships can only be obtained at a price. This book addresses a very sensitive & human issue, giving reasons for this type of controlling & the methods to tide over such situations in life. Of course, there will always be exceptions to the general methods. It is useful for those who are such sufferers, the psychotherapists for treating their patients & also for the people in general for creating awareness, preventing & reducing such occurrences in future.
Published: February 08, 2007   
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