Whether it is counseling or workshops,iam
invariably asked the questin,How do I get my child
(spouse,in-laws),boos,collegues,students to listen tome?
Effective communicatin seems to be imperative to forging a
better understanding. One part of communiain is
listening. Listening is not just about hearing the words
but also about tuning into felings. IN psychology
aljargon, it is known as reflective,it is klnown as
refletie listening. This tool helps bynot only valdating
how the child is feeling but also by assuring the child
that he can truly beable to trust the parent to understand
his deepest,most heartfelt emotions.
When you listen,
bend down or sit next to your child. Pay full attention.
Hear the feeling. Ask yourself,”Why is my child feeling
Use reflective listening. Reflective
listening is repeating what you think your child is feeling
and the reason behind it. Start by using the words “you
feel” before the feeling and “because” totell the reason
for the feeling.
Children sometimes do not say what
they re really feeling.
Insteae,they are silent,or cry,or
throw a tantrum. Think about what they could be feeling
and state it.
Your child may be surprised.
child otices your new way of speaking ,he might
say,”Yeah,that’s right”, and walk away. Don’t forde your
child to share feelings,instead,wait for other chances to
use reflective listening,and then if your child seems to
want totalk,you might ask,”would you like to tellme about
Use a respectful questin tone.
You can’t be sure
you know exactly what yur child is feeling
own feelings. At times listening for feelings cango too
far and might enbecome a tctic for seeking
Reflective listening helps when you have to
Sometimes when you have to say’no’your child
may bget upset. But,when we use reflective listening
children know that their feelings are okay-even when their