There was a man in Satre’s friend circle named Herbaud. Who had come from Paris, at the beginning of the July. One day he sent me a note asking me for an appointment. But my parents didn’t accept that. In fact, they do not want to let their daughter to meet a married man. Somehow, due to my influence on them, over the years, I managed that and went to meet him. Together we ate lunch at a restaurant. There he taught me to play a kind of
game in which a player could never lose. He had deviced that game himself. He also told me that his other friends were eager to meet me, too and want my cooperation in their work.
I was initially little hesitant entering into Satre’s room. There were nothing but
books and cigarette butts everywhere. Satre welcomed me in a very informal way. His friend Nizan also didn’t say anything except smile on his face. I thought he must know many things about me. I however kept reading and comprehending research works, throughout that day.
Herbaud told that Satre always thinks about some points. That doesn’t mean he would always engage in brooding on some formula or theory. The matter was very simple. His mind remained active, constantly. Satre, in fact, wanted to be attached with only those matters which could be helpful to enrich his knowledge and his writing skill. He usually avoids those which, he felt as obstacles. Satre believed that if a writer has anything to contribute to the world, it’d be crime for him to put his energy into some others things. He had no interest to hang around politics of religion. Of course, he’d take the social and political question with great interest.
We would like to do most of work during morning hours. After lunch at restaurant we would generally spend time uselessly. Often Nizan beautiful wife would join us. We either play pin tennis, archery and sometime Nizan would take us to Paris for outing. Satre and Herbaud would sing their self composed song in their laud voice. Satre had a nice voice and known as jolly fellow. When he finishes his work, working like a donkey, we’d listen to various kind of music. Amongst three Nizan was the only progressive thinker. He had got his one of book published and associated with number of literary organizations. He hardly laughs but his talks pleased me. I wonder how I mingled with them so easily. Herbaud too would always keep cautions not hurt my feelings.
But whenever we were together their language seemed harsh. They would, probably think that their thoughts were clear and right. They ridiculed bourgeois laws and useless ideology and laugh a lot. They didn’t believe in soul or spirit. The human being for them was but just a structure of bones and blood. Nearly one year, I kept terrified by their behavior. But along with my
study I had gone far ahead from them in thinking. I realized very soon that the world which was shown by my friends is tough because they never tried to conceal realities.
They advised me to be open and do whatever I wanted to do. Herbaud would often tell me about the difference between Satre and Nizan.He advocated for every good thing of life. One evening after dinner at a restaurant we watched fire-works. Then Satre took me to another restaurant where we enjoyed cocktail. Satre was more happy nature than others. He concluded that Herbaud should be beneficiary of my love. That day, holding my hands he told, he really likes me.
The day Satre brought the news of my
success in examination; he told me he was going to take me under his wings! Satre liked friendship with women. When I first saw him in university he was putting on a black hat and talking with a simple girl, with keen interest. Sooner he got bored with that girl and made friendship with another beautiful girl. But later, she too became a problem for him. When he first, met me he showed eagerness for friendship. Then he was happy to get me in.
As far as I am concerned I felt I was not getting well with Satre. Just before examination we spent 15 days along with each other-except sleeping. He’d got me important books from an old store. He would often take me to movies. We friends would discuss on different topics. Sometime they’d like me to propose a subject and later analysis that. Satre would hear me with quite interest. He was just two years younger than me but had achieved so much. He had deep knowledge. He wanted to
write a book and was mad after that.
When I compare myself with Satre’s personality I’d find me very low. Satre helped me to see my weakness. I tried to rectify those. Not only Satre but Nizan also helped me to know my in capabilities. At the end of August when I was going back and seen off Satre I felt I could never live far away from him.
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