It seemed like just yesterday i was 18yrs old and the biggest issue in my life was a deep contemplation on whether or not to loose my virginity. Apart from morality, i had a point to prove to my stepdad, who thought i had or was sleeping with every man on the street, of course that would justify the fact that he was with two women and had little or no time to be a father to both womens children with him or otherwise!
When we have a point to prove in life, we become our biggest enemy, i chose to live away from home for a year to prove that i didn't need parental restrictions (which was plenty) to have good morals and that i was a lot more mature than i was ever given credit for, i was going on 19 at the time...
At the end of the year, peer pressure and sheer lonliness drove me to take up smoking, which i thought i was mature enough to give up when i felt like... i was going on 20 at the time. Then i had the brilliant notion that if i became famous and rich everyone would know and appreciate how mature i was for my age and like me even more, then i would never be lonely again... So i took part in a beauty pagent and i WON! Yes! finally my life would be just perfect, on top of winning i got a job on radio as a presenter for being bold and outspoken! all this before i turn 21, how mature was that!! Then i got mixed up with what i thought was the right crowd for my status, who didn't save or live for tomorrow but lived as if every moment could be the end of the world plus i fell in love as well. At this rate i thought, i'd marry by 25, have 2 kids by 28 and travel the world at 30, for by then i'd be completely settled and well off and famous and liked by everyone.
He broke my heart, because he'd been seperated from his wife for years and decided to return to her for the sake of their 2 kids. My mentor at work was made to resign for political reasons and i got demoted, suddenly my whole world was rocking off balance, my carefully laid plans was unravelling, i moved to another country, another world and another life.
I'll be thirty years next month, not married, no children, not famous and not the most liked person for some reason, and i'm thinking i'm not ready for this, maturity scares the hell out of me! Everyone is gonna think i'm grown up and i'd be expected to be mature about everything! i wanna be 20 again or 21 or 18 or maybe i dont know what i want to be....