For those of you who read Oprah, you probably know the name of
Martha Beck. When I read her every month, I feel more
calm and sane. I
feel like she talks about a world that is sometimes insane, but makes
us feel like it’s all going to be okay. She speaks to the truth, she’s
funny and irreverent, and one of the most spiritual people I know. It
is a memoir. She grew up a Mormon, daughter of a famous Mormon, an
apologist for the faith who regularly explained away the
inconsistencies of the faith in a public way for the leaders of the
church. He also sexually molested Martha, one of his daughters. This
book is about her life, about her sudden remembrance of the abuse and
her journey to deal with that and her quest for spiritual belief that
spoke truth to her. It is, at times, a hard book to read.
Things she describes—both the specific sexual abuse and the rift with
her family—are painful. And yet I was hooked because interwoven
throughout the book is the story of a meeting with her father, in a
hotel room, where she tries to get him to discuss the abuse and truth
of her childhood. You want to know how that turns out. You want to know
what she discovered during her life journey. As a trained sociologist,
she presents the case of her abuse in this book as though trying to
convince someone who doesn’t believe her, as though presenting evidence
at a trial. I want to say, it’s okay, I believe you, you can just tell
the story. Even when the truth is stranger than fiction, and it is and
most of us know that it can be, I still believe her. She
really struggled over whether to write this book. She had to be so
self-revealing plus take on the Mormon church and all its
adherents—sane and not so sane. I totally respect her for having the
courage to write it. I respect her for speaking about the truth of sexual
abuse and specifically incest in that community. I appreciate her
sociology background that informs her writing and all the facts and
research she did to gain the truth and to tell this story. She
talks about some feminist issues, gender issues (which she is
supposedly teaching at BYU except she cannot speak the truth) and the
many people, particularly Mormons, who have confided to her their own
sexual abuse (before her story was made public). She quotes the poet
Muriel Rukeyser who said, “What would happen if one woman told the
truth about her life? The world would split open.” I believe this to be
true, still, and am glad that Martha tells the truth about her life. Because so much of what has been written, historically, has been by males and from a male perspective, the truth of many women’s lives is not known or acknowledged. Martha
Beck talks about God, which she believes is a universal force, a
spirit, connecting all beings, not some patriarchal figure in the sky.
She talks about a belief, an Asian-tinged belief about the Stream and
how you are living in the stream all the time. You feel when things are
right and true and move towards those things and feel better, calmer,
more at peace with yourself and the world. She explains it better, but
I just really like the thought and belief. No major doctrine. No
exclusionary principles. She says that every moment you have a choice
to act to either heal or destroy. No one chooses right all the time,
but if you choose the healing action, you will be more in peace. That
statement was very powerful. Every moment you have the choice to heal
or destroy. She also talks about various phases of a spiritual
journey (Buddhist thought?) and the last phase (she goes from camel to
lion to child of the spirit). The last phase goes like this: “In
the last stage the lion gives way to the child, to an original
innocence. This is the Child of the Spirit for whom all things are new.
For this divine child there is wonder, ease, and a playful heart. The
child is at home in the reality of the present, able to enjoy, to respond, to forgive, and to share the bblessings of being alive.” This
is the spirit of the book, finally. She accepts all that has happened
and is thankful for who she has become. She loves her father even
though they do not communicate and it is not healthy for her to be with
him (since he refutes her story). She tells what she knows of his story
(childhood sexual abuse by his mother and post traumatic stress
disorder from serving in WWII). She obviously loves and misses her
Mormon community and siblings. But she had to pick truth and live her
life there. She coaches people and writes for a living. Some of
her clients are spiritual and some are sick to death of religion.
Regardless, she tries to help them find their truth and live it. I’m
grateful that she wrote her truth. It’s a very good book, a very
interesting book and I recommend it.