The Tender Bar J.R. Moehring
One would expect the story of a boy growing up in a bar in New
York to be one of heartbreak and dysfunction. However, J.R. Moehringer’s ability to truly appreciate the value of his unfortunate
childhood makes for a remarkable, memorable story.
“J.R.” Moehringer is the son of a struggling single mother and absent father. Although his love for his mother is fierce, he fears that being in the constant company of his mother, grandmother and aunt will not provide him with the masculine energy he needs to grow up.
At a young age he begins to “hang out” with his uncle, a bartender, and his uncle’s friends, who frequent the Manhattan neighborhood bar on a daily basis. His peer group becomes his Uncle Charlie, and men with nicknames like “Bobo,” “Colt,” “Fuckembabe,” “Cager,” “Smelly” and the bar’s beloved owner, “Chief.” The older men include young J.R. in their daily conversations, as well as their occasional trips to the beach.
Uncle Charlie lives at home with his parents, JR’s grandparents. Often moving from place to place with his mother, J.R. finds himself living with his uncle and grandparents in their ramshackle home more often than he would have liked.
Throughout his childhood in “Publican’s” bar, Moehringer witnesses the daily interactions of all kinds of men -- blue collar workers, gamblers, police, lawyers, stockbrokers -- who discuss everything from baseball and history to sex and relationships. Although the conversations are always influenced by alcohol, it is here that Moehringer learns about life and discovers his love of words. He finds great compassion and tolerance among these characters, as well as an extraordinary sense of love and community upon which comes to depend. As he grows into adulthood, J.R. seems to pattern himself after some trait in each one of his friends, and takes care to write bar-napkin notes for a book he will someday write about life at Publican’s.
Over time, Moehringer also absorbs the other, more questionable traits of these men, indulging in alcohol, gambling and smoking. He stumbles in his writing career at the New York Times, and battles with his vacillating self-esteem as a writer and as a man. After the death of the bar’s owner, the delicate social structure of the bar begins to disintegrate, and the environment becomes more of an addictive trap for Moehringer. Ultimately, he finds his personal success and freedom by leaving the area entirely, taking his fond memories with him.
The book ends when J.R. returns for the funerals of friends after the September 11, 2001 World Trade Center bombings in New York,. The bar has changed hands, the men are older and some are gone, but Moehringer is grateful for his atypical childhood and the unlikely characters who taught him how to be a man.
This
autobiography is one of the more enjoyable and fascinating stories I have read this year. Some people would consider the circumstances of his childhood abominable, but he treats his memories and the people in them with respect and love, which, in turn, makes him endearing as an author and a man.
Caroline Bloomfield
(c) 2005