Love is the foundation to every relationship. Most parents wanted their
children to feel loved. Ironically, not all parents
know how to adequately convey their love message across to their kids. Only a child who feels generously loved and cared for can do her best. Speaking your child primary love
language can bring him security and hope; it can help you to rear your child to responsible adulthood. To ensure that they feel your love, you need to communicate to them your love by learning to speak their love language. The focus in this book “The Five Love Languages of
Children” is teaching you to recognize and speak your child love language. For a child to feel love, we must learn to speak their unique love language. However, every child speaks different love languages, for just as children who have different personalities; they may hear and feel in different love languages. Most importantly, whatever love language your child understands best, it needs to be expressed in one way-unconditionally. There are five ways children speak and understand emotional love. They are: Physical touch Physical touch is one of the love’s strongest voices. It is the easiest love language to use unconditionally as parents need no special occasion and excuse to make physical contact. Boys and girls alike need physical affection, yet young boys often receive less than young girls. The most common reason for this is that parents feel that physical touch will somehow feminize a boy. Of course, the fact is that the more parents keep the emotional tank full, the healthier the child’s self-esteem and sexual identity will be. Physical touch can be just a simple gesture like running through your child’s hair, touching him on the shoulder or arm, patting him on the back or leg, along with some encouraging words, are all expressions of love to a growing child. Some fathers withdraw from hugging and kissing their teenage daughters, feeling that it is inappropriate at this stage. In fact, your girls need them or she will likely seek it from another male. However, during the adolescent stage, parents need to be sensitive with the time and place when expressing the act of physical touch. Words of affirmation In communicating love, words are powerful. Words of affection, endearment, words of praise and encouragement, words that give positive guidance all say,” I care about you.” Such words nurture the child’s inner sense of worth and security. A child will reap the benefits of affirming words for a lifetime. Likewise, cutting words, spoken out of frustration, can hurt a child’s self-esteem and cast doubts about their abilities. Quality time Quality time means giving your child undivided attention. Most infants receive plenty of quality time-feeding and changing, etc. As they grow, quality time becomes difficult. Many of us will not have enough time to do things that we want and need to do, hence, giving quality time to their kids require the sacrifice on the part of parents. Caution: You need to take note of your child physical/emotional level of development, especially when they are in their adolescent age. Gifts The most meaningful gifts become symbols of love and it must be given together with other love languages. The child emotional tank needs to be filled in order for the gift to express heartfelt love. In fact, if a child doesn’t feel truly loved can easily misinterpret a gift, thinking it is conditionally given. A true gift is not payment for services rendered; it is an expression of love for the individual and is a sincere giving. E.g. - when a parents offers a gift if the child will clean his room, this is not a true gift but a payment for services rendered. Acts of services As parents, your primary motivation is not to please them. You chief purpose is to do what is best. A caution for parents: Don’t view acts of service as a way to manipulate your children. If we give in to desires or even demands for too many gifts and too much service, our children can remain childishly self-centered and become selfish. The ultimate aim is to help children emerge as mature adults who are able to give love to others through acts of service. This includes serving persons who are in no way able to return or repay their kindness. Children need all five love languages to keep their emotional tanks full. Still, most children have a primary love language, one that speaks louder than the others. It is crucial to discover their primary love language to effectively meet their needs for love. However, if your child is under five, speak all five love languages. A word of caution, your child primary love language will keep changing as he grows. Speak all five languages for he needs all five to grow, even though he craves one more than the others.