Tips for your first few weeks:-
1. When preparing for a day at your Zoo, consider your scent. Refer to the 'Mating Habits - Smells' manual for more information.
2. The Sharks from section B have found there way into the children’s paddling pool, if spotted call Pete on 07746067856
3. Some visitors to your Zoo may look like your Animals, but do not take any chances. Rifles are available from the Shop.
4. Bert due to recent events does not want anyone referring to him as "the shit shoveler" he would prefer his professional name, General Manager of Excretion Disposal.
5. Fishermen may not use the deep sea tank as “a bit of practice”.
6. There is such a thing as to close. Ask our lion feeder.
7. If you do find yourself surrounded or are in danger, please close your eyes, count to ten, tap your heels 3 times and ……hope for the best.
8. Though the temptation may be great, do not p-p-p-pick up a penguin.
9. On fancy dress day do not dress up as a gorilla and pretend you have escaped as the zoo can no longer afford court action.
10. While it may seem obvious not to put your head in a Lion's mouth, it is also important not to do the reverse.
11: The small animal cages are not the larger animal feeding cages.
12: Do not tranquilize any children because there parents ask you to.
13: Stunts with the animals for ‘Intermediate film work’ will not be tolerated.
14: Even though some customers may be difficult to please do not show them the wrong way into the viewing area of the Siberian tiger pen.
15: If you are not a skilled tour guide do not pretend to be, and tell everyone that gorillas grow to be the size of the one that climbed the Empire States tower in the film ‘King Kong’.
16: The Shark pools are not for an ‘after hour dip’ (the sharks are not always moved)
17: If bitten by a snake, do not jerk away as this could damage teeth and result in mouth infections.
18: 'Beautiful' women/men are not allowed into the zoo for half price and 'ugly' women/men do not have to pay double.
19: Telling the press that Pre-historic life forms have been created in the 'labs' of the zoo is strictly forbidden and the instigators will be punished severely.
20: Do not try to create pre-historic life as the dangers of such insane experiments do not cover the zoo insurance.