Enjoy Life.....In the Right Sense
Title
I - Featuring: A LAWYER, A DOCTOR AND A CLERGYMAN
A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an enveloped containing $ 25,000 in cash. He made each of them promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy next life.
A week later the man died. At the wake, the Lawyer, the Doctor and the Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later.
Soon, the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $ 10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness.
The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only & 8,000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivously when it could be used to benefit others.
By this time, the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends, " I am the only who kept promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $ 25,000.00
II Featuring: VACATIONING PRIESTS
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on a vacation. They were determined to make this real vacation escape by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some outrageous shorts, shirts and sandals.
The next morning, they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb. They were sitting on beach chairs enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery, when a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a string bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father." nodding and addressing each of them individually. They were both stunned. How in the world idea she know they were priests?
So, the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you saw them. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, taking her sweet time, came walking towards them.
Again, she nodded at each one of them, she said, "Good morning, father. Good morning, Father", and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said, “Just a minute, young lady." "Yes Father?", she said. We are priests and proud of it, but, I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"
"Father, it's me, Sister Margaret."
III Featuring: THE TEACHER AND THE STUDENT
A teacher asked her class, “If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shot them, how many will be left?”. She called on James. “None”, he replied, “they will all fly away with the first gunshot.” The teacher replied, “The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking, James.” Then, James said, “I also have a question for you, Ma’am.” There are three women on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of her triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Now, who is married?” The teacher, blushing, replied, “Well, I suppose the one who has gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.” James, then replied, “The married one is the one with the wedding ring on ….. But I like your thinking, Maam.”
IV Featuring: THE CAB DRIVER AND THE NUN
A cab driver picked up a nun. She got into the cab and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asked him why he is staring and he replied, “I have a question to ask you, but, I don’t want to offend you.” She answered: “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.” She responded, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be a catholic.” The cab driver is very excited and said, “Yes, I am single and “I’m Catholic, too!” The nun said, “Ok, pull into the next alley.” He did and the nun fulfilled his fantasy. But, when they got back on the road, the cab driver started crying. “My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?” “Forgive me Sister, but I have a sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Baptist.” The nun said, “That’s OK, my dear child. Actually, I am on my way to a Halloween party. By the way, my name is Kevin.” I
V Featuring: THE BANKER AND THE BUSINESSMAN
A businessman walked into a bank in San Francisco and asked for the loan officer. He said he is going to Europe on a business trip for two weeks and needs to borrow $ 5,000. The bank officer said, the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So, the businessman handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drove the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returned, repaid the $ 5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, “We are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely. But, we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzled us is why would you bother to borrow $ 5,000?” The businessman replied, “Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?”
VI Featuring THE GORILLA AND THE LION Finding himself desperately in need of money, a man went to the city zoo, hoping to find job feeding the animals. Although no such opportunity was available, the manager, seeing the size and the strength of the applicant, suddenly got an idea. “You know,” he said, “there are a few creatures that attract attention like a gorilla. Unfortunately, ours died yesterday. If we got you a special fur suit, would you be willing to imitate him for a few days?” The hungry man agreed to try. He was quite successful as he beat his chest, bellowed and shook the bars of the cage – much to the amusement of visitors who said they had never seen a gorilla with such intelligence. One day, while swinging on his trapeze, he accidentally lost his grip and landed in the lion’s den. The huge beast gave a ferocious roar. Backing away, the impostor realized he couldn’t cry for assistance without revealing that he was a fake. He retreated, hoping to crawl back over the fence into his own cage. The lion however, followed him. Finally, in desperation, he yelled, “Help!” Immediately, the lion said in an undertone, “shut up stupid! Y
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