1. Don''t
casually take her hand and introduce a list of all the STD''s you know.
2. Don''t
send her a teddy bear missing a head. Even if it was on sale. srExecute();
3. Don''t let it
casually drop that her mom is still “totally doable,” even if she is.
Especially if she is.
4. Don''t let it casually drop that her sister is totally doable. Especially if said sister is 12. Albeit an early bloomer.
5. Actually, the same applies for fathers, brothers, and family pets. If it lives with her, it’s pretty much a good idea to
refrain from expressing your attraction for it.
6. Don’t show up to a date wearing her friend’s clothing. Just trust me on this one.
7. Don’t introduce the idea of a threesome on a first date. However, if you do, and she sounds intrigued, you may have found “the one.” Or, more accurately, one of the two.
When practicing your Valentine''s Day card, don''t address it to yourself. Or at least own a decent shredder.
8. If you are out at a fancy restaurant, refrain from sampling from other patrons’ plates, even if you just wanted to see how they would react, and you really only had a little bit, and you used your own fork and everything.
9. Don’t offer to show her your “sweet dildo collection.”
10. Don’t tell her that you’re a critically acclaimed director of snuff films and that you’re always looking for new talent.