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Simon Gray, celebrated Diarist and playwright, is told that he has cancer and a tumour. He is 70 and has been smoking
60 cigarettes for more than three decades. He decides to write about his journey to death, which is certain in near future. But can he write with such a burden looming over his head? He determinedly tries. From revealing his condition to friends in a party and telling his children and grandchildren, he sits down to write about his final days and nights and about his visits to the hospital, the tests, the doctors and nurses there, his operation, his outings with his wife Victoria, sitting doing nothing or just watching day break or evening falling. He looks at life, his shoes and his trousers. He discovers that he has cut down smoking by half. But does it matter now? He remembers friends who had died of cancer. He does not want a violent death. If the chemotherapy and the rest become painful, can he bring death upon himself? He acquires a new habit of looking into obituaries and reading right through each of them. He rejoiced if they had died younger to him. He had beat them at the game. He also took on to hanging, at his age, alone in busy shops. He considered different ways of suicide, but all seem violent. He continues to try writing. But when days are nearing end what life can he write about? As his holidays end, he dreads going back and once again lives in his house. He attends a christening ceremony in Mayfair and becomes the child’s godfather. As Simon’s writing a diary becomes elusive, his death also seems eluding him. How long can it do so? 18 months? Two years? When would he smoke his last cigarette?
Published: August 17, 2009
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