here are some dos and don’ts compiled from interviews with precisely the people you want to impress: women.
1.
DO be straightforward. If you want her to go out with you, say so. Get right to the point. When Dave first called Mimi, a 35-year-old retail supervisor in Connecticut, he asked her for suggestions of business books that helped her be successful. They hit it off so well, he decided to take the connection further. “A few days later,” says Mimi, “he called again and said, ‘Hey, I just wanted to call and thank you for giving me the title of that book.’ I said, ‘Oh, you
didn’t have to call to say that.’ And he said, ‘I didn’t. I called to ask you out.’ I was so surprised. I didn’t know a lot of people who were doing that honest and straightforward approach. It was a very refreshing thing!” She said yes, by the way—and one marriage and two kids later, she’s glad she did.
2. DON’T ask her out via email. Even in the Internet age, the best way to ask a woman out are the old-fashioned ways: face-to-face or by phone, because she’s more likely to say yes. Why? “In the moment of asking, she might not want to hurt your feelings, so if she’s so-so or not sure about the
date, you have a better shot at getting a yes,” explains communication expert Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of
Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life (www.lauriepuhn.com). In fact, according to Puhn, economic research even shows that asking for things in “real time” creates an important emotional connection that makes it far more likely for an askee to say “yes.” And as a woman, I can attest to the fact that email provides a too-easy out. When guys I wasn’t into asked me out by email, for instance, I would just wait a few days to reply, then finally write something like, “Oh, sorry I didn’t write back, but work has been nuts! I’m actually going to be working late for the next couple of weeks, but we should catch up next month. Take care.” It was easy to say no over the impersonal computer connection. But I’ve gone on
more than a few dates with guys I wasn’t sure about who went for it in person. There’s just something about being asked in the moment that just makes a woman say yes. Online daters take note: Even though you begin by emailing one another, make phone contact at some point
before you suggest a date. Not only does it give you a better sense of the person to find out if you “click,” but — once again — it ups your chances of getting a yes when you do finally ask.
3. DO look her in the eyes and smile when you ask her. Obvious stuff, right? But if you’re nervous, you might not do it! You might look from side to side, or down at your feet with an expression of fear or doubt or uncertainty. And while some girls go for the utterly adorable anti-social shy type, most women will appreciate a guy who is confident enough to look her in the eyes, smile, breathe, and say, “Hey. Wanna go out next week?”
4. DON’T pass the buck to her. If you meet a woman you like, don’t hand her your card at the end of the night and just say, “Call me if you want.” Instead, take control and get
her phone number or email (which you’d use to email her for her phone number…). Doing so actually widens the net for the
type of woman you’ll get to go out with. Here’s why: “If you give women your card, the ones who call you are all going to be assertive and confident types,” explains Puhn. But if you also like women who might be shy, or just don’t feel comfortable going out on a limb for a date, giving those women your number isn’t going to get you a date with them. “If you call the women yourself, says Puhn, “you’ll get a larger pool of women.”
5. DO practice your cool, can-do tone. When you like a woman and
really want her to say yes to a date, the pressure may come out in your voice. Yourgoal is to get rid of that fearful timbre and replace it with the tone you use when you ask for
other things in life: When you ask the waitress if you can have the garlic mashed potatoes instead of the baked potato, she might say no... but you still ask. When you ask your buddy if you can borrow 50 bucks, he might say no... but you still ask. The same goes for asking a woman out. She might say no, but you should still ask. And do it in the same nonchalant tone you’d use for those other questions. In fact, practice asking all three of those questions — out loud — together: “Hi, can I have the garlic mashed potatoes? Dude, lend me 50 bucks? You want to go to dinner some time?” That’s the laid-back tone that says,
Hey, I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask. And it’s the one that will make her think,
Hey, it couldn’t hurt to say yes...