You already know the dating scene can be, well, a little scary at times. So, what better time than Halloween to remind yourself to steer clear of certain romantic monsters who might look like fine prospects at first, but all too quickly devolve into the horror they truly are? Here’s how to spot these fiends and purge them from your calendar, no silver bullets or iron stakes required.
The vampire The fiend seems attractive at first, since he or she is soooo into you, but given the chance, this needy leech will suck you dry. After a few encounters, all your energy will be drained. You’ll feel dizzy from hearing about the vampire’s numerous problems and exhausted fulfilling every favor. Before you make a big mistake (like loaning this monster money), flip the script. Ask for something, like to borrow his/her car for an out-of-town trip, and watch Nosferatu take off like a bat out of hell.
The zombie This reject from a George Romero movie may seem to offer a nice, low-key way to spend an evening. But it can be tiring to have to constantly act lively enough for two, always planning your outings and scrambling to keep the conversation rolling. You can certainly try and jar this
person out of his or her catatonic state with a “Why
don’t you plan something for us to do this weekend?” but chances are you won’t get much help from this dead-weight date.
The ghost Don’t be too hard on yourself for failing to see through the ghost’s guise. It takes a few dates to tell when someone is still haunting his or her ex. Then you get an eerie feeling that you’re always going to places they
used to go and doing things they used to do. You’re spooked every time this phantom thinks he or she sees someone resembling the lost love, and listening to a poltergeist go on about the ex’s attributes threatens to send you to an early grave.
Maybe you think you’ll be the one to help this restless spirit move on, but you don’t stand a ghost of a chance. So who you gonna call? Someone new, who has successfully dealt with the past and is
ready for a new relationship.
The mummy So you’ve met someone with the power, beauty and wealth of a pharaoh. Cool! Until what you originally took for confidence turns out to be nothing more than conceit—these people are totally wrapped up in one person: themselves. Somehow the mummy manages to bring every conversation back to what he or she has got going on. Before long, you’ll be ready to drink embalming fluid just to ease the pain. Tell this creep to crawl back to the tomb and stay there while you seek prospects who actually show an interest in your life as well as his or her own.
The devil Who is that charming, sexy, ruthlessly good-looking creature? Clearly you’re drawn to the devil’s charisma, but tarry too long in his or her clutches and you’ll sign away your very soul. It starts innocently enough — maybe the demon dares you to steal salt and pepper shakers from restaurants — but soon, this person is tempting you to put dinners out on your expense account, lure your very married best friend into a ménage a trois, and trash the rest of those silly so-called Ten Commandments. Bottom line, the person you’re with is supposed to inspire you to do good, not evil. Exercise your right to exorcise this bad influence from your life.
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