There is a saying that our children are messages that we are sending to a future that we may never see. Perhaps
it would be wise to tarry a moment and piece back together the threads of life that may be worn and gnashed within the system that is our family. Do you have contaminents from your childhood affecting you self-dialogue or your parenting skills? If so, identify them and replace those with new self-dialogue or parenting skills. Do you or your children have problems that require a professional? If so, get the help. Have you been ignoring your children and your home? Have you given your children your power in the home? If so, they are in need of your love and direction.
"Making the decision to have a child is
momentous. It is to decide forever to have
your heart to go walking around outside
your body."
-Elizabeth Stone
Your child has an authentic self that is uniquely gifted and predisposed toward what they are meant to be in life. It is YOUR job to provide them a safe, secure loving environment from which they can tentatively explore thier world and their confidence and place in it. You are raising an adult and you only have a short time until they will be grown. Rearrange your schedule and your loyalties. Start family stimulation, rituals, and traditions. Promote a soothing and predictable rhythm that your children can draw strength from. Support your children and believe in thier best intentions at all time. Don't fight in front of them. Discuss discipline issues privately with them and in a dignified way using currency(rewards they value-study them to find what is important to each of them). Written, signed contracts are also productive and help them measure and be proud of thier progress using charts. Support your child in discovering their greatest gifts and passions in life. Teach them that building thier life around those gifts will reap the greatest monetary and spiritual rewards in life.
Children of all ages need affection, hugs, love, acceptance, dignity, assurance of safety, freedom from guilt over family problems, structure, a stable parent with strength to conduct business, a need to just BE a kid. Thier basic need to be accepted and listened to by you is so powerful that there are dire consequences to ignoring this need in your children. When they reach out to you in thier own way, STOP what you are doing, turn to them and look into thier eyes and LISTEN. It is immeasurable how much children hunger for the acceptance and that listening ear from thier
mother or father. There is no substitute and you must be patient and trustworthy in this especially if you have damaged their trust in this in the past. Empathize with them. Take an interest in their stories and interests even if it isn't your cup of tea. You may find an underlying need that they aren't able to tell you if you stay in tune and the family is closely connected like it should be under your sensitive guidance. Even the most basic communication needs to get confirmed and reconfirmed to make sure everyone understands what is being communicated. Take special care to make sure you and your children understand one another, even on basic topics. Your family is the most cherished posession you will ever have; to be revered and cherished above all else and you are all your children have to teach them love and values, confidence and self-worth. Don't let them down. Rise to the occasion.
"Don't worry that children never listen to you;
worry that they are always watching you."
-Robert Fulghum
"The secret to raising a child of character
is being a person of character yourself."
-Dr. Phil McGraw