This story has many great descriptions. "...in the shade of the old apple tree is a small group of energetic children,
dizzying themselves around a clear inflatable paddling pool." That''s one of my favorites.
There a plenty of grammatically errors that subtract from the
overall quality of the story. I don''t mean the British styles either, like no
period on Mr. There are also comma errors.
Unfortunately, the story''s tone at the beginning does not match with
the overall story. There''s a huge switch when the reader finds out the
narrator is a girl, but not because it is a girl.
The tone shifts again when the narrator enters the bus. Mostly, I
wonder what would happen to the story if it were just about the bus. I
also wonder what the point of the story is. I don''t know what the
author wants me to take away from it.
But I don''t mean to say the story is bad, as I have not rated it
poorly. I just find that it would benefit from some editing and some
rewriting.