Before writing this story, I had been studying for a
physics test for a good 12
hours straight. Let's just say Newton was really pissing me off.
Isaac Newton's at school contemplating how he can torture the the world until
the day it ends. The teacher is talking, but why would Isaac listen to her?
She's just a dumb commoner, far less superior to him. Well, no one likes
pompous brainiacs. Especially Biff, the local bully. Biff was especially mad at
Isaac today, because Isaac called him a "pubescent ignoramus." More than
anything, this just confused the heck out of Biff because he didn't know what
either word meant. And when Biff gets confused, he gets
angry (he's an angry
man). Well after school, and after Biff has had a
little time to think about the
insult, he confronted Isaac, and said "I don't even know who Amus is, how can
I ignore him?" Isaac just shook his
head and laughed his condescending little
geek laugh. Well now Biff was REALLY mad. He chased Isaac down, grabbed
him, and hung him by his whitey tighties on a tree, and then started taunting
him "What are the physics of that, Isaac!?" Being the smart alec he is, Isaac
started telling Biff about the torque of the branch, and the elasticity of his
underwear, and the exact moment when one would give way
letting him fall
to the ground, and how hard he would hit the ground, and how as he was
falling, he would have a small rotational spin causing an angular velocity to
his body, from which he tells Biff how fast the tip of his left shoelace will be
moving. Eventually Biff just yelled out in an angry/bewildered voice "SHUT-
UP!" And then Isaacs all like, "But you asked..." And the bully says "No, Be
quiet, I don't care, You are such a freaking toolbag. I was thinking of letting
you down, but since physics is apparently gonna do it for me, I guess I'll go
now." And Biff just leaves. Newton of course is still sitting up in the tree,
when an apple falls and hits him on the head, and he's all like "Ah! Gravity!"
And yet one more component was added into Newton's diabolical scheme to
aggrevate every person who will ever take physics to and from this point until
Jesus comes back for his people.
The End
More abstracts about the Isaac Newton, the REAL story