Be still for a moment, and listen closely. Do you hear that distant, thrumming, barely audible swell, like a huge throng of people simultaneously gnashing their teeth and heaving long, dolorous sighs? That’s the sound of millions of unattached singles anticipating the long-dreaded arrival of Valentine’s
Day. And when they’re not making these ungodly noises, they’re cloistered in darkened rooms, arranging their DVD collections and circling items on takeout Chinese menus so they won’t have to leave the house until the whole sorry affair is over. Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. The fact is, there are plenty of enjoyable things an unattached guy or gal can do on V-Day, in full view of those blissfully connubial
couples who flock to the streets like preening birds. In order to identify these activities, though, it’s important to
know what NOT to do so as not to make the situation worse. Such as:
DON’T surrender to the hype. “Don’t buy into the stigma that you have to have a sweetheart on Valentine’s Day in order to be a happy or complete person,”
says personal and career coach Suzanne Blake. “If you talk to married couples, you’ll find out about the fairly underwhelming activities they engage in and the kind of gifts they actually exchange. Once you discover that your fantasies about what everyone else is doing on Valentine’s Day aren't real, it's much easier to cope with the holiday.”DO have fun. Go see the latest scary blockbuster, get a massage—you call the shots. DON’T veg out in front of prime
time TV. There’s nothing a lazy TV writer likes better than a high-pressure holiday, a couple of hours to fill, and a
desperately captive audience—so the February 14 prime-time programming block is sure be crammed with weepy Lifetime movies, snarky sitcoms starring oversexed twenty-somethings, and even Valentine’s Day-themed fare on the Cartoon Network. DO find the right entertainment. If you’re going to stay home alone, do yourself a favor: Turn off the tube, crank up the stereo to 11, and put on something by Nine Inch Nails. If you can’t live without the tube, why not rent some Seinfeld or Saturday Night Live DVD’s? DON’T forget to call (or send a card to) your mom. “It isn’t your parents’ fault that you’re still single,” says Elaine Fantle Shimberg, co-author of Another Chance for Love: Finding a Partner Later in Life. DO stay in touch. “Besides, at her regular mah jongg game, Mrs. Cohen might just give your mom a photo of her beautiful, bright niece (along with her phone number), because she’s moving to your home town and doesn't know anyone,” says Shimberg. DON’T go to the wrong kind of party. There’s nothing wrong with rounding up all of your unattached friends, buying a case of beer (or white wine), and getting pleasantly tipsy. But it takes a strange kind of bravado to accept an invitation to a Valentine’s Day bash that you know will be populated by happy couples (as well as couples desperately pretending to be happy).DO know when it’s time to spend some time alone. You don’t have to fall on your V-Day sword; sometimes, staying home alone, puttering around your place, can be the best way to cope. DON’T trawl the streets for a last-minute date. If you find yourself desperately chatting up that clothing-outlet clerk on February 13, “you’re being driven by your emotional programming and the media to romantically force the issue, which will lead to an impulsive and potentially disappointing relationship,” says Debbie Mandel, author of Turn on Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul. “Relationships take time and aren’t fueled by desperation and deadlines. You’re better off going to the gym, because exercise releases stress, raises endorphins and makes you look better.” Bob Strauss is a New York-based writer and author of The Big Book of What, How and Why. Email him your thoughts here.
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