Someone calls you an "inconsiderate
idiot," and you feel angry. Someone cuts in front of you on the freeway,
and you feel angry. Someone attacks your friend, and you feel angry. Someone
tells you that you will not get the pay increase you think you deserve, and you
feel angry. What causes you to feel anger? What do all of these situations have
in common? Underlying anger is caused by a perceived loss of control
over factors affecting important values. The values in the above examples might
be pride,
getting someplace on time, someone you love, money, or being treated
"fairly"--we are frustrated about not getting what we want or
expect. With anger, we usually think we know what caused the problem. We
have some target(s) for our anger. It may be the person criticizing you, the
person who cut you off on the freeway, an attacker, your boss, or even
yourself. With anger, we may hope that a burst of energy aimed at the threat
will defeat it. Or we may hope that a burst of energy will break the barrier
stopping us from meeting our goal. Anger can be used constructively at times.
It can give us energy we need to fight back if physically attacked. However,
for most situations it merely clouds our judgement and creates extra stress. If
anger prompts aggressive
behavior toward other people, it can permanently harm
relationships--especially with those we love. Prolonged or frequent resentment
(mild anger) has been shown to be a significant cause of cardiovascular problems
and heart attacks. It is the villain behind all behavior