To be a self-sufficient person doesn't imply a selfish position where we won't need the other ones. It implies a realistic
position where we feel owners of our lives and not to allow that through manipulation somebody can steal us the right of carrying out with those things that we want and to be ourselves.
In our program to transform into self-sufficient and independent people is necessary to learn to analyze our vital circumstances. That is to say, to study all typical situation of potential violation previously, and before deciding the measures we can take to counteract them. This has a capital importance, because we will have to study those areas first where we are potential victims.
The effective analysis is crucial so that you can go out with success and to effectively face those circumstances in which you can eventually be committed and that can be harmful to you. This means to analyze the situation, to be watchful and to create a new intelligence style that avoids to be object of abuses with all naturalness.
To study the situations that can show up, not only means to stay attentive, but also to have a series of foreseen plans and to take them methodically into practice. To analyze your circumstances will be easier if you stay aware to the employment of words and sentences, not only in what refers to intimate ideas, but also to verbal expressions, that usually will show you the different ways you unconsciously use to ask the others to manipulate you.
There are some of the most used sentences that you’ll have to change for better thoughts if you really take seriously the idea of abandoning the victim's column:
I know that things won't come out well, I know that I will lose. This is a state of mind that will guarantee you an almost sure place in the victims’ leaf. If you decide to believe that you will win, you won't be able to tolerate the idea of losing and you will make all possible efforts to be successful in those plans you’re about to carry out. But if you think that you’ll lose, from the very beginning you have lost the 50% of the battle.
Anguish dominates me, I lose control every time I have to face this person. Change this idea for other, for one that gives you personal freedom. You better say: I refuse to allow that somebody
distressed me and I won't be distressed to myself. It means that if you feel dominated by anguish, if you loose control facing somebody or some specific situation, you’ll have to realize that yourself is allowing that such a thing happens. You better say: I refuse to allow me to become distressed, to causes me anxiety or fear facing such a person or situation.
Another common sentence is given when a person full with anger says: I will
demonstrate those bastards they can’t treat me like that. This maybe seems a strong statement, but in fact it is an attitude that will almost surely lead you to take the worst part. Your objective is not to demonstrate anything to anybody, but getting the concrete benefit that somebody is trying to snatch you. When we begin with this attitude of having to demonstrate, we are already allowing them to control us. Firstly you are demonstrating the state of anger you has arrived product of what they have made to you, and it is certain that in occasions we will be anger, or bothered, or show irritated, but you will demonstrate things with facts, not with words. Remember that our objective is not to demonstrate anything to anybody, but getting a concrete benefit that a manipulator is being about to snatch from us.