"Of all the misconceptions about love, the most powerful and
pervasive (普遍深入的)is the belief that falling in love is
love or at least
one of the manifestations (显现，表示)of love." -- M. SCOTT PECK
People who are married or in committed relationships are
healthier, wealthier, and happier. So why do more than 60 percent of
marriages end in divorce? Why has the national divorce rate climbed
more than 200 percent in the last thirty years? And why are fewer
people getting married today than ever before?
The answers to these questions are plentiful, but the main
reason is simple. It"s easy to "fall" in love, but very few people know
how to stay in love. Even though staying in love is our "smartest"
choice all the way around! Recent studies on marriage prove it"s one of
the major ingredients (成分，因素)in life-long success for men and women.
"It lengthens life, substantially boosts (推进)physical and emotional
health, and raises income over that of single or divorced people or
those who live together," reported an article in the New York Times.
Marriage has also been found to boost happiness, reduce the degree of
depression, and provide protection from sexually transmitted diseases.
So let"s wake up, make up, and turn this trend around! One of
the most startling pieces of evidence that shows people are not
in touch with what"s really going on in their partnerships is
the fact that the majority of people who file for divorce say
they didn"t think there was a
relationship-threatening problem just six
months prior to breaking up. Another shocker is that most couples wait
six years or more to seek professional help when their relationship is
in danger. By the time they do wake up and smell the coffee, it"s often
too late.
Truly there is no reason to resign yourself to a bad
relationship ? whether you"re dating or married. Rather than changing
partners and ending up this same predicament again, you can learn
to have a fabulous relationship with the partner you already have! I
strongly encourage you to make the relationship you have work, because
there is a higher rate of divorce and adultery in second marriages.
Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem,
because half of the "problem" is yours. You can walk out on your
marriage, but you can"t run away from yourself, no matter how hard you
try! Rather than blaming each other, couples can learn how to work as a
team and coach each other through the troubled times and power
struggles. To do this, you must create a "safe" relationship so you can
express your needs and fears and effectively resolve anger and
conflict. More relationships break up because people don"t know how to
validate each other (that frustration escalates to become anger)
than for any other reason. This is truly a shame, because the skills
for "fighting fair" are very easy to master with just a little practice
and patience.
One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people
is a lack of understanding. Men and women have
different strengths and
weaknesses, different ways of expressing ourselves, and different
"childhood wounds" that we"re trying to heal. While it may seem like
we"re from different planets we are actually very much alike when it
comes to our need and desire for love and intimacy. We only behave
differently in our quests for closeness. Stop doing what you
think is "fair" or "right" and start doing what works! It"s not about
"working harder" it"s about "working smarter".