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A Short Glossary of Computer Terms
Analog: Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and
covered
with crushed nuts.
Back-up: Current data
errors that have been saved
for
future use. See Database Back-up or
File Back-up.
Binary: Possessing the ability to have friends of
both
sexes.
Bit: 12 1/2 cents ($.125).
Buffer: Programmer who works in the nude.
Bug: Any type of insect.
Byte: Painful wound inflicted by dogs, snakes,
children
etc.
Coding: An addictive drug.
Compile: A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.
Computer: A device used to speed and automate
errors.
Control Character: Any person who has money to
spend
for
any reason.
Crash: A Normal Termination.
Cursor: An Expert in four-letter words.
Database: A special medium used to store errors, so
that
they can be processed and printed many times by the
computer system. Sometimes called Input File or
Data
file.
Debugging: Activities necessary to remove insects
from
any
area where they are not wanted.
Diskette: A mobile accessory to transsfer and to
store
errors.
Downtime: The time in which the computer rests
while
you
sink into the lower depths of depression. (Downtime
typically takes
place while you are in the middle
of
your
most important work on the computer.).
Drive: A hardware part were errors are loaded from
diskettes. The moment the dirve's led is on can be
described as the computer's orgasm.(the noise
indicate
it
too!)
Errors: The normal result of running a computer
system.
Hardcoded: Computer program code that has been
allowed
to
dry. Hardware: 1. Boots, leather, studs, spikes and
such.
2. The
parts of a computer which can be
kicked.
Keyboard: An instrument used for entering errors
into
the
system
quickly.
Logic: Orderly path always followed by
programs &
errors.
Loop: See Loop.
Maintenance: Activities necessary to ensure that
the
system
continues to produce errors and delay work
efficiently.
Never-Never Land: 1. Place where no one grows up.
2.
Place
where programs love to go. - It is also called the
Twilight
Zone
Password: The nonsense word taped to your terminal.
Printer: A device that prints computer errors on
paper.
RAM: A male sheep.
Reset: A button located on the computer's
body,which
make
easier the "trip" of the programs to the Never-
never
land.
It is conssidered as the only way of avoiding
errors.
ROM: 1. A Ram after a delicate operation. 2. What
programs
do in Never-Never Land.
Screen: The part of the computer where the errors
are
seen
for the first time. It is also the part programmers
love to
break the most.The most inginous and smart feature
of
the
Screen is that it can be turned off.
Software: 1. Silk nighties, nylons, teddies etc. 2.
Parts
of computer that can not be kicked.
Sometime: Those occasions when a computer error
message
can
be interpreted and understood.
Security: A feature of computer system access which
helps
prevent the mis-use (or proper use) of the system.
Table-Lookup: A piece of furniture that has been
attached
to the ceiling.
Turbo: A mode in which the computer compiles the
errors
faster. It sometimes may help the programs to reach
the
NeverNever land.
Uptime: The time in which a computer works &
produces
errors quickly and efficiently.
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