G. Ravishankar
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Santa?
Nothing,
they both leave children's bedrooms with empty
sacks!
Top Reasons Eminem's Wife Filed for Divorce
--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman" she ever
was.
Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women
Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.
--Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he
takes down his pants...
Would rather end up like Nicole Kidman than Nicole SIMPSON
Overheard 5-year-old daughter shouting, "Faggot!" while
watching "Mr. Rogers".
Recently overtaken by a strange and unfamiliar compulsion
to live past the age of 35.
I mean come on, people. . . the dude LOST TO STEELY
DAN!!!
And The Top Reason Eminem's Wife Filed For Divorce. . .
Britney Spears 'n' Pepsi
What does Britney Spears and pepsi have in common?
They both come with plastic jugs
RIng of Power
In the movie, "Lord of the Rings" why does the Ring of
Power glow?
Because it gets fingered by the Hobbit
Lawyer vs. Hooker
What is the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
A: A hooker will stop trying to screw you once you''re dead.
The master of ceremonies is defined as the person who gets
the "bull" rolling. Exectuive Speechwriter As the speaker
said as he opened an early morning
meeting, "
Friends and 'nodding' aquaintenances..." The last time I spoke to
this group many of you had colds. When I ended my speech I
said, "I hope you get better soon." One of the members
said, "I hope you do, too." Blessed is the man who having
nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of
that fact. Discretion of speech is more than eloquence. He
that speaks much is much mistaken. The true use of speech
is to conceal our thoughts. One speaks little when vanity
does not make one speak. It is impossible to defeat an
ignornant man in an argument. Rhetoric is the art of ruling
the minds of men. And 'tis remarkable that they talk most,
who have least to say. While the right to talk may be the
beginning of freedom, the necessity of listening is what
makes the right important. A hick town is one where there
is no place to go where you shouldn't be... Everyman who is
high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and
his wife smiles and lets it go at that. There is only one
thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys
spending money, that is to enjoy earning it. Humor is
emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. I remember a
story told by a teacher...one winter afternoon she was
showing a small boy how to zip up his coat. "The secret,"
she said, "is to gert the piece of the zipper to fit in the
other side before you try to zip it up." The young boy
looked at the teacher quizzically and asked, "Why does it
have to be a secret?" A terrified and inexpereinced speaker
stood up at a meeting and confessed, "My friends, when I
came here tonight only God and myself knew what I was going
to talk about...now God only knows." DI hope to make my
message clear and cover all the details. I want to avoid
the kind of problem a young executive and his wife
encountered on a vacation. This couple decied to spend a
long weekened at an exclusive and luxurious Palm Beach
resort. However, the second day they ran out of baby food
for their 18 month old daughter. They asked the very proper
concierge if he could direct them to the market.