Someone
calls you an inconsiderate idiot, and you feel angry. Someone cuts
in front of you on the freeway, and
you feel angry. Someone attacks your
friend, and you feel angry. Someone tells you that you will not get the pay
increase you think you deserve, and you feel angry. What causes you to feel
anger? What do all of these situations have in common? Underlying anger is
caused by a perceived loss of control over factors affecting important
values. The values in the above examples might be pride,
getting someplace on
time, someone you love, money, or being treated fairly--we are frustrated
about not getting what we want or expect. With anger, we usually think we know
what caused the problem. We have some target(s) for our anger. It may be
the person criticizing you, the person who cut you off on the freeway, an
attacker, your boss, or even yourself. With anger, we may hope that a burst of
energy aimed at the threat will defeat it. Or we may hope that a burst of
energy will break the barrier stopping us from meeting our goal. Anger can be
used constructively at times. It can give us energy we need to fight back if
physically attacked. However, for most situations it merely clouds our
judgement and creates extra stress. If anger prompts aggressive
behavior toward
other people, it can permanently harm relationships--especially with those we
love. Prolonged or frequent resentment (mild anger) has been shown to be a
significant cause of cardiovascular problems and heart attacks. It is the
villain behind all behavior.