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by Charles Forsythe (forsythe@Onramp.NET)
REDMOND -- Microsoft Corporation
has announced
plans to
acquire the Website and Internet development
corporation
Higher Source for an undisclosed fee. "Higher
Source
has
proven its commitment to strange mind-control cults
and
UFO
religions," said Microsoft spokeswoman, Anita
Klue,"Their
willingness to
kill themselves for the sake of
their
technology is the kind of dynamic that Microsoft
wants
to
promote."
In conjunction with the acquisition, Microsoft
announced a
new program called "Active Cult 97", which is
expected
to
be in place by late 1998. Active Cult aims to make
the
use
of Microsoft technology more of a religion-driven
decision
as opposed to a technology-driven decision. "This
isn't
expected to be a big change for Microsoft's
customer
base,"
explained Ms. Klue. Details of Active Cult were not
disclosed, but it was suggested that instead of
crashing
with the infamous "blue screen of death"
or "General
Protection Fault", Microsoft's operating systems
would
merely display the message "Windows died for your
sins."
Mike S. Brown, who writes about the industry in his
PC
Weak
column "M.S. Brown Knows" responded
enthusiastically to
the
announcement. "This really raises the stakes for
Internet
development. IBM may be content to kill its own
products,
like OS/2, but Microsoft is willing to kill its own
developers and maybe even some customers. That's
the
kind
of bold difference that will make UNIX, OS/2 and
the
Mac
completely irrelevant by the end of 1996!" When is
was
pointed out that 1996 was already over, Mr. Brown
retorted,"No it's not! If it was, then Microsoft
would
be
behind schedule on Windows 97 -- which it isn't."
An IBM employee, who asked to remain anonymous due
to
the
fact that the whole issue was "extremely silly,"
said
that "IBM is committed to the future of network
computing
and OS/2 is an important part of that future." He
added
that,"IBM is not interested in promoting suicide.
If
you
want to talk about promoting suicide, talk to
Microsoft's
ISVs. Can you say `Citrix'?"
Reaction amongst Windows users was generally
positive.
Ben
de Miover, CIO for a large company which recently
switched
its operations from the Apple MacIntosh to Windows
95,
explained,"Windows is really cool because you can
play
Quake in, like, a window and stuff." He also cited
a
complete lack of Windows 95 applications for the
MacIntosh. "How can modern business function
without
Windows 95 applications. Y'know, like Quake?" In
addition,
he was pretty sure that OS/2 and UNIX were "new
wave
bands
from L.A."
Linus Torvalds was unavailable for comment.
Source -
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