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Genesis According To Microsoft Newspaper Review

Summary rating: 5 stars 7 Ratings
Review by : snowdeer
Visits : 465  words: 900   Published: July 18, 2006
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here.

In the beginning, there was nothing but Apple. And the
PC

was without form and void, and the darkness was on the
face

of its hard drive. And Bill said, Let there be DOS: And

there was DOS. And Bill looked upon it, and it was
good,

and with it the PC slew the Apple. And DOS grew and
grew,

until its number was legion if you counted the decimal

points, and still it was good.

And Bill grew large with ambition, and he decreed there

should be a processor of words; and lo, there was Word.
And

Bill sayeth, Let there be a thingy for the crunching of

numbers, and lo, there was Excel, and did his kingdom
grow

apace.



But there had arisen in the land the thing called

Macintosh, sprung from the intransigent Apple-men, and
Bill

looked upon it, and it was better



Rapidly did he decree that Word should be made to run
upon

it, and after that Excel, and then all the other fruits
of

his efforts, but still he was wrathful.



So Bill did order his minions to come forth with
Windows,

and when they did, he looked upon it, and it was bad.



So he sent them back to try again, assuring all the
world

they would get it right this time, yet they did not.



Unrelenting, Bill forced yet a third mighty blow, and
when

it came forth, Bill did order his trumpets to blow, and
his

chorus to sing, and his criers to cry, until the din
could

be heard throughout the land; and when he looked upon
this

third version of Windows, he saw it was not all that
great,

but like hotcakes did it sell.



And thus did Bill gloat, for the world proclaimed he
had

matched the lowly Macintosh, and his praises were sung

throughout the land.



And so he ordered another, mightier, more magnificient

version made, and his henchmen and henchwomen did labor

hard.



Still it was not forthcoming in the year promised, nor
the

year promised next, and rumors did abound, and
magazines

did overflow with secret peeks, and columnists did heap

their scorn upon it. And came the minions of the
Justice

Department, bent upon proving Bill monopolous, yet
before

his wrath did they quail, and proclaim him innocent,
mostly.



And that which was once called Chicago became known as

Windows 95, and the suspense built throughout the land,
and

Bill, remembering what had gone before, set about
building

a great Hype.



Into his Hype he put the greatest mouths of the land,
and

scattered the fruits of his profits so heavily that he

bought hosts of angels to sing, and Rolling Stones
songs,

and trumpets and horns and drums without number. As the

time of birthing grew nigh, he purchased television
time

without end, and appeared thereon himself, and bought

entire editions of newspapers to give away unto the

faithful, and traveling circuses to visit each great
city.



And so when Windows 95 was born did hysteria rule the
land,

as the choirs sang and the trumpets and horns did blare
and

the televisions and the newspapers charge their
followers

to go forth and buy.



Heeding this, the populace did rush to the marketplace
at

the stroke of midnight, when even the cock doth sleep,
and

did push and shove and come even to blows the better to

secure their own copies lest they be thought ignorant,
or

uncool, or hamsters in the eyes of Bill.



And Bill looked upon what he had wrought, and he
giggled,

and rubbeth his hands together, and even in the moment
of

his triumph, began to think of Next Time. ..

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