Q. How can I make things right for everyone? So everyone wins? I asked a friend and her son to come on vacation with me. The problem is that one minute she wants to go and I had better not change it, and the next minute she can't go and is scared to
leave the boyfriend for a couple days. Or I want to leave one day and she wants to leave another. The way she talks to me sometimes and the way she just acts around me just makes me mad. Did I do the right thing inviting her? (Carla)
A. Your friend sounds terribly insecure. If she cannot leave her boyfriend for a few days she will lose him soon by being too clingy and fearful. It sounds as though you have been very patient, but you also need to act in a certain way which won't make people take
advantage of you. Once you
invite someone to accompany you, and you have changed the details for them once or twice, that's enough. You cannot continue to change every minute, otherwise your friend will just keep changing because of her own fears and lack of respect for the consequences for you.
Best thing to do is to arrange a date to suit you, invite your friend and stick to it. If she cannot go, fine. You go off and enjoy yourself because you are bound to meet people like you. If you live in fear of going off on your own, your friend will always mess you about and you will never go on your
holiday. Absence makes the heart grow fonder so your friend should go away with you and allow her boyfriend to miss her sometimes.
Stop changing your dates and start making your arrangements. Your friend will then see that you mean business and will either go with you or hang back. If she doesn't go, it's her loss. But don't let her spoil it for you anymore.
Finally, you can NEVER please everyone and make them happy because everyone has different
needs. You can only please yourself, and those who like what you are doing will also be happy too. Perhaps you have been trying to please too much because you really want her
friendship, and she is taking advantage of that, which only leads to disappointment all round.
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