1))Introduction
1. The seven problems of parents our days are:
A. They do not set clear goals (for parenting) for themselves or their kids.
B. They serve as bad examples for the values they espouse.
C. They do not set clear boundaries.
D. Do not know how to listen to their kids
E. Weaken their kids instead of empowering them.
F. Have difficulty in keeping a parental partnership
G. How difficulty in adapting to changing familial situations
2)) The goal (p.73): Parental leadership, defined as the “parents’ ability to lead their kids towards a worthy goal and to motivate them to perform tasks they may not always want to do. All this without, or with minimal, coercions and punishment. Parents who are leaders:
1. Shape, in a variety of ways, a desired familial reality
2. Unite their family through shared goals, rules, and costumes.
3. Discipline their kids in a smart way and set reasonable boundaries for their behavior.
4. Listen to their kids and try to help them, based on the values they uphold.
5. Empower their kids and support their personal growth.
Parents who lost parental control:
1. Do not direct their actions according to values or goal but move along with their kids erratic behavior.
2. Lose patience with their kids’ behavior and respond impulsively.
3. Drift with family events and do not navigate them.
Parental helplessness may have long term detrimental effects. Kids mental stamina get stronger when pushed. Parental expectation s from kids allows them to fulfil their potential (p.27).
Behavioral change: The first level is willingness to do things (carrot/stick), next level is identification (I do this b/c my parent does this), third level: internalizing the behavior. (p.88)
3)) The main elements of his approach:
1. Think strategically: a consistent effort to setting goals for the family. Needs to be goal specific and authentic (aligned with values of parents) (p.111). Specifically focus on core issues. Take time to think and review, do not change strategies too rapidly (133)
2. Set and example in your behavior(136)
3. Set clear boundaries (165). Be clear on rules (191). Be determined, and consistent (206), if you use punishment, use it wisely (immediate, realistic)(p 207)
4. Focus on a communication mode that highlights dialog (p.211).
5. Empower kids: trust the kids (262), give them roles and authorities (263), allow them to solve problems(267), allow them to be responsible for their own tasks (269), include tem is tasks (set the table etc.281), give positive feedback (on specific action304),
6. Parental partnership. Four levels: info sharing, support each other in front of kids, effective role sharing , joint decision making (324),
7. Be flexible (354)