Breaking the Baby
Bonding Myths
As a new
mother you have a lot on your mind – a barrage of questions seem
to
hit you straight out of the gate. It may seem that the last thing on your
mind may be the first thing to shock you. Where is the instant bond with the
baby who was tucked away for nine months? The lucky few revel in their
undying love towards this squirming stranger, emerging pink and wrinkly,
they embrace this creature that was inside them just hours earlier, leaving us
normal moms to feel like failures already. You may have heard that it takes
hours, days, weeks and even months to bond with your baby but it doesn’t
make you feel better.
Many moms face disillusionment by thinking that
bonding is a gushing love
for your baby spilling out of you at all times. True bonding can be more of a
quiet love. Feelings may come and go in different stages but the truth is that
any amount of caring for your baby shows that you are bonding, slowly but
surely. Jennifer Paterson,
mother of four living in Santa Fe, New Mexico has
made her rounds time and time again with bonding, and echoes the
frustrations of many moms, “It can take a long time for me. I don’t
understand the moms that feel an instant bond. It’s just not me. As far as I
am concerned, I give birth to strangers, why would I feel particularly close to
them?” She goes on to say, “If you act with love toward your children then you
are a good mother.
if the love you feel is not the kind you
expected.”
Bonding Tips and Techniques
Here may be a few things you can do to allow your maternal instincts to kick
in and flourish:
• Focus on baby by minimizing the craziness of every day life. Keep visitors
to a minimum or none at all.
• Recruit help from relatives (or dad!) who can stay with you for some time to
help with chores such as cleaning and shopping. Get out of the house alone
even if it’s only a walk around the block.
• Snuggle with baby using as much skin-to-skin contact as you can. Bearing
only a diaper, place baby on your chest while she naps and breastfeed if
possible – if not, make sure that you are touching her skin while you bottle-
feed.
• Relax - spend time just looking at baby and observing her. Run your hands
down the back of her neck and hold her tiny hands. This is your creation,
your job well done.
Perhaps the best advice can only fully be appreciated once it’s too late – and
that is to enjoy these moments. Drink in these moments when she’s lying on
you sleepily not asking for a thing other than your love and attention. As my
mom used to tell me and I now tell my four year old, ‘You’re only a child for
such a short time of your life.’ And boy is that true.
Perfect Timing
Whether or not you feel that undying love just yet, relax in the fact that your
baby is already bonding with you. This bond started long ago when she first
heard the sounds in her world through your womb. She loves you and doesn’t
expect Super-Mom. Take heart in the fact that it will take time for some
moms. Elaine Bordwin, mother of three-year-old Evelyn from Memphis,
Tennessee recalls, “I would say it took a good year to really feel like I had
bonded with Evelyn, actually I kind of resented her because my entire life had
changed and I really wasn’t ready for it to change like that. Now I love her
more than words can say and I can’t imagine my life without her.”
Everything flows and ebbs with its own measure and we shouldn’t be so quick
to judge – instead we should relax and enjoy the ride that is motherhood.