ONLINE
DATING or SEX
ONLINE: THE LURE AND THE DANGERS
By Jenna Levy
So you’ve just come home after a long and boring day at
school. You plop down at your computer desk and log on to your dating site.
There’s an unread message: “Hey, I saw your picture and I think you’re really
cute! I think we have a lot in common. We should talk. Maybe even
meet up
sometime.” To today’s teen, this is pretty common. I remember when I first got
access to the Internet years ago, my father told me never to post pictures of
myself or log on to chat rooms because sexual predators could get my personal
information. Now we’ve become so comfortable with it that it seems half my
school has pictures posted on the Net.
Stranger
Talk
“Online dating or sex online has become such a phenomenon
among
teens because the Internet has surpassed the convenience of the
telephone,”
says Mike, 17, of West Orange, NJ.
Aside from convenience, part of the lure of online dating
or sex online is you’re talking to people who don’t know you. They are unaware
of your social standing in school or your background. It kind of gives you a
fresh start. “The Internet, in general, gives everybody the ability to sort of
hide behind any facade they might make for themselves,” explains Mallory, 17,
also of West Orange, NJ.
Online dating or sex online has also become popular with
some gay teens. Mike, who is still in the closet, says “the Internet is a
better way for gay teens to converse and meet others that share their
interests, and what’s enticing about it is that it’s private.” I’ve personally
had a lot of online conversations with people, and even met up with two of
them. But my experiences prompted me to question the safety of online dating or
sex online.
Since you can’t see the
person you’re chatting with, how
do you know that person is really a
teen? The allure of the Internet is also its primary danger. People can be
whoever they want online. And some adults surf around teen sites to find unsuspecting
youth. Sexual predators have also found
victims online.
Get Wise
Parry Aftab, executive director of the Internet safety
organization WiredSafety, cautions young people, especially girls, on the
dangers of online dating or sex online. “There’s no good reason why an older
man is interested in a 13-year-old girl other than for sex,” says Aftab. I agree. Many times I’ve received messages from
30-year-old men, requesting my screen name and personal information. Huge red
flag. What would a 30-yearold want with me? Why isn’t he talking to people his
own age? My response? Delete. Better safe than sorry.
Online dating or sex online “requires a degree of logic
and maturity,” says Mike. “The Internet can be an incredibly dangerous place
and teens need to be watchful of how quickly they give out certain information.
They should be cautious and careful.” If you chat with someone for a long time
and feel comfortable meeting him or her, you still have to take precautions, Aftab
advises. “If you are going to meet someone, take a lot of your friends or an
adult and make sure you’re meeting in a public place,” she says. “Make sure
you’re not sharing telephone numbers that can’t be changed later, in case
things go wrong.”
Christopher Bryant, a 17-year old North Carolina teen,
adds, “Never give out your address or phone number and never reveal your last
name.” “If you are going to meet up with someone you met online, I would
suggest talking to the person for a while before actually meeting them,” says
Mallory. “This gives you the opportunity to see if some creepy vibes appear or
you find inconsistencies in whatever the person is saying. “On the flipside,
you also have to assume that this person might be thinking the same way about
you, so just be honest, and remember, online dating or sex online is just as
safe as your own judgment,” she says.
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