"My monkey tried to commit suicide and I had to talk him out of it!"
"I fell and I couldn''t get up!"
"I had to
shovel my driveway!" (as the boss looks outside and notices its summer)
"You see, it''s really a long story, and I''ve got so much to do! How about I just tell ya later?" *fake smile*
"I
thought it was Saturday!"
(after being rejected with the previous reason) "I thought it was Sunday!"
"See, I stopped at the red traffic light, and I swear it never turned green!"
"I had to help the old lady cross the street!"
"My
monkey forgot to set his alarm again, see, and I had to drive him to preschool."
"Oh my gosh! I thought you fired me yesterday! The only reason I came today was to clean out the office!"