I run from my past like a child running from the village masquerade,
I pray I never recall how it felt to be in the past, I pray I forget the feeling of sailing in a dead mans boat, no!
I must not remember them, let by-gones be by-gones
I get scared to look over my shoulder because I know there are gray faces and white eyes staring back at me,
Telling me to look back at where am coming from, and not where am going to,
The gray faces, the dark shadows, They all hunt my dreams when I close My eyes to sleep,
They chase the sleep off my eyebrows like mcbeth that murdered night.
Oh God, Why all this suffering?
Why do I sleep not?
And behold, deep in side me, somewhere in my heart the answer lies,
I refuse to accept the fact, that same fact, that great fact, that the past is what made me what I am today.
There might be ups and downs at some point there might be naughtiness and drunkenness, craziness and stupid ness, they come up at times but these little things make us human.
At a point I sat down to look it all over and make up my mind to confront those gray faces, those white empty eyes that lock behind my shoulder,
As I was turning round confidently I heard screams and murmurs, voices of mockery in my ears but when I looked round there was no one around, I turned around inside me again to face the monsters in me, When I faced them, they ran for cover but there was no place to take refuge, I screamed “FACE ME AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!” but they turned and fled , I caught pace with and straightened everything out, As I looked Into the gray faces one last time before they turned into statues I saw my own self, my face, 12, 10, 9, 8 years ago, doing those wrong things I called right I wanted to turn away but I heard a voice inside me saying “be a man, be a man and confront your past”
I looked back inside the gray face and with one final deep breath I squeezed it and finally it was all over.
I looked up to see myself sitting under an almond tree, right opposite me at end I saw two lovers kissing, I looked at my left and saw a kid whimpering. So this was reality, I said to myself, all that had been happening was just inside me, my inner reactions.
I walked up to the child and inquired what the problem is and he said he ran away from home because mum didn’t trust him because of what has stolen a candy bar when he was hungry some time ago.
I took his face in my hands and looked into his eyes, I saw guilt, my own reflection and I said unto him
“The past can be what ever it want to be, u stole then but now U are a changed person, it go up to mum and tell her u did what u did in the past because it was meant to happen and that it s just another trek of life, tell her u are sorry and it wont happen again”
He got up and ran home. I smiled to me self, thought he might not understand what I meant but its certainly the fact.
I got up and brushed over what looked like a transition that happened that afternoon, gray faces, empty white eyes, they all represent my bad past, yes I can confront them, for they are guide steps to what I do today, there may be bad times in the past but if u don’t confront them, they will keep hunting u, Even to your grave.
I felt relieved, “ I will learn from my past” I said to myself.
As far as I can, what’s stopping u from doing the same.
It might be ugly but confront it, learn from it and never go back to them. They make us what we are today.
I happily jugged home to face my fiancée and tell her to her face that I wasn’t cheating on her that she was only an old friend.
I walked home joyously and was happy to realize that am whole once again.