The way to avoid pain and bleeding is to slowly and gently stretch the hymen
and
vagina prior to engaging in
intercourse.
It seems if the normal course of
sexual development occurs, the hymen would be slowly and painlessly dilated long
before
intercourse occurred for the first time. A woman can do this herself
using her fingers. Lubricate your finger with a water based lubricant or saliva
and then slowly and gently insert it into your
vagina while masturbating. You
must be sexually aroused when you do this. Use one hand to caress your clitoris
while the other explores your vagina. In the beginning, only the tip of your
finger may enter. With your finger or fingertip inside your vagina, gently press
your finger outward from the center of your vagina. Imagine your vagina is at
the center of a clock face and gently press your finger towards each number on
the clock face. Press until you feel some resistance, but not so much that you
feel pain, for a couple seconds, then repeat pressing in a new direction. Work
your way around the clock face. This stretches the hymen and muscles. Over time,
slowly work your way up to three fingers, or an object of equivalent size. Some
will find they can do this without difficulty within a week or less, others will
require several months. It all depends on how elastic your hymen is and how
relaxed and flexible your pelvic and vaginal muscles are.
Initially, the pelvic muscles surrounding the vaginal orifice may be very
tight and the hymeneal opening small. This may make the insertion of even a
single finger uncomfortable or even impossible. In this case, just press against
the vaginal orifice versus trying to push your finger into it. While pressing
gently in, move your finger in a slow circular manner. With patience, you should
slowly notice your finger entering into your body, perhaps over a period of
days. It will also help to explore your vulva with a mirror, to help you locate
your hymen and vaginal orifice. In most cases, the opening in the hymen will
permit the insertion of at least a single lubricated finger or tampon.
A woman''s partner can also do this during partner sex if they go slow and are
gentle. Good communication is essential, as the woman needs to inform her
partner if they are using too much pressure or going too fast. The woman''s
partner needs to go slowly and be very gentle. Young men tend to be overly eager
and rough, they need to make a special effort to be otherwise. (Men often use
much more pressure when masturbating their penis than women can tolerate on
their vulva.) A woman needs to be able to spread her legs fully and relax her
muscles. Doing this with pants and/or panties on will be awkward and cause
needless discomfort, as will doing it in a cramped space like a car.
Women who are in their late teens or older may have access to dildos
of various sizes that can be used to help stretch the hymen and vagina. If a
woman is able to insert an artificial penis of appropriate size, 1.5 in. (3.8cm)
in diameter and 6 in. (15 cm) in length, into her vagina, she is certainly going
to be more comfortable with the idea of a real one entering her body. Realistic
silicone dildos also allow teens and women to explore what a penis may look and
feel like and practice fellatio (oral stimulation of the penis), putting a
condom on a penis, anal sex, and may just be fun to play and experiment with,
even if they are a virgin or a lesbian. Small and medium sized butt-plugs may
make dilating the vagina and hymen easier because of their tapered shape.