When to say yes and when to say no…how do we decide? What I have found in raising and observing my
children is that there
is no right answer or way to decide. We must take every
situation and look it over carefully. Consider all options, and watch out for possible consequences. We must learn that no means absolutely not, no questions asked, and that yes means go ahead, I don’t care. We should also think back to previous and similar situations that we have encountered, both with our
children and in our own lives. I so often have to ask myself, "am I saying yes because I want to say yes, or because I want the unacceptable behavior to end?" I sit surprising that at least half of the time I find myself about to give in? The same ideas go with when to say no. I have found that sometimes I tell my children that they cannot have this or that or cannot do this or that because of my own anxieties. Doing this restricts a child’s personality. When faced with a yes or no question always answer according to your child’s capabilities and experiences, not your own. If your child wants to slide down the slide backwards, what do you say? No, absolutely not you will get hurt? or Yea, go ahead, just stop nagging? Neither. The first answer is one that is based on assumption, the second answer has no benefits and many harms. When my son was three we encountered this very situation. He thought that it would be fun to slide down the slide backwards because he saw his older friends doing it and having fun. I however knew that mark le was only three years old, and had seldom played on a slide. He did not know that there were rules, or what safety meant. I at that point had to teach him. To make a long story short, I sat both mark le, and his playmates down on the grass next to the swing set, and offered them a drink (this helped to keep them all in one spot at one time and also prevents dehydration on a hot day). I told the children that while they were all under my supervision they would have to use the slide, etc. the proper way. I then briefly and simply told them the rules and explained why they should listen, and what would happen if they did not listen. I knew that Mark le would have gotten hurt had he slid down the slide backwards. I could not allow that to happen. Being that the older children were also asked to follow the same rules, mark le was not singled out because he was younger, and the older children learned that the swing set was to be used in a safe and respectful fashion, which obviously they had not known previously. Everyone was safe and happy. You see, just using the single word no as an answer is not beneficial in some situations. In this situation just saying no to mark le would have caused resentment between him and his playmates, and the children would have all been in jeopardy without the safety rules I had given them. When saying "yes" or "no" as an answer to a question the reason why is, and always be in demand. The reason why the answer is either yes or no is very important in the outcome of the situation, regardless of what the situation may be. The reason teaches logic. Isn’t logic what brings us as parents to the decision to begin with? There are several ways to determine whether we should say yes or no to our children. One is to ask yourself while addressing the situation this: What is my instinctive decision? If maternal or paternal instincts say no, listen. Every time a yes or no question is asked, or a situation calls for a yes or a no answer the best and most reliable source of knowledge is instinctive intuition.