Tenses are there for a reason. The past refers to things or events that took place a second ago to five minutes ago or earlier,
the present to things currently happening. But when one has ended a relationship with some one, why is it some persons in our midst still refer to them as if they no
longer exist?
For example, say one has just ended a fairly long relationship with some one and is discussing the matter with a friend. Say the one who was in the relationship says something like, ‘he or she was like that’ almost as if that
person no longer among the living.
He or she is, the thing is, since that individual is no longer being associated with the other, he or she is commonly referred to in the past tense. It does not necessarily mean that the person with the faults has suddenly gone through some sort of transformation and is no longer ‘like that’ either, but it’s just that he or she is not in the other’s life.
But when the conversation is in full swing, one’s friend understands what he or she means when he/she says something like, ‘he/she used to do that,’ because it is all part of being human. Referring to some one in the past tense that is, even though that person is still very much among the living
And just as long as our friends understand what we mean, in the world of friendly conversations and interactions, that is what matters. There is no need to ponder too hard about using the right tense or not when discussing one’s recently ended relationship with a friend or close relative.
For the other half of that now ended relationship might also be using the past tense to refer to you as he or she recounts the event or events that may have led to the break up. It’s all part of the cycle of living.