After 30 years and 3 major episodes I have finally been diagnosed with bipolar. It first
started when I was around 8. I rember
having a lot of trouble making friends. I rember being very sensitive and not being able to express my self very well. When I started school I had alot of problems concentrating and with orginiation. I rember one of my teachers knocking my desk over because it was messy and her telling me to pick it up infront of the whole class. One teacher got this idea to make a giant cardboard blinder that went around my desk and said that it would help me concentrate. The only thing it did was make feel like I was a reall reject. When I hit highschool things started to get a little. I my grades got better and I even made the honer roll my intire freshman year. I kept really busy in school. I was in all the plays and I worked part time at the nurseing home as a CNA. At first Collage seemed to be going well. I took to classes in the summer before, a Chemistry and Bible Class and got B's in both of them. When I attended class in the fall was when the bottom fell out of my World. I rember talking to my self alot and them I began to think that I had super human powers. I rember thinking that I was growing realy fast and that I could read minds. I rember asking for help from the one of the councelors but by then I was to late. I was compleatly out of my head. My mom and dad were called and told to come right away and pick me up. I rember when they got there and told me that I smelled and needed a bath. I rember taking a shower and losing track of where I was and dad had to come in and get me. He said I was in there for a hour but at this point I have lost track of time and space. I rember geting to the
hospital and getting checked in to the stress center. They gave me a shot of what I would later find out was Haldol and falling asleep. I think about 4 days passed till I rember what was going on. I rember earning my clothing. The room they put me in had a door with a window and I think the walls were padded. I found out latter that they thought I was trying to kill my self in collage because they found a pair of sisors beside my bed. I was not trying to kill my self but doing some strange cutting of papers in shapes in my dorm room. The hospital food was good except they would not let me have a knife or fork. After 3 weeks in the hospital my
parents talk the doctor to letting me go home. When I got home I had a real bad depressive episode. It lasted at least a year and it was hard for my parents to motivate me to do anything. After about 7 months and much frustration of my parents my dad finaly told me the truth. He told me that if I did'nt get better I would end up on disability an or living in a hospital. That seemed at the time a mean thing to say to someone who was depressed but it some how gave me the motiviation to go back to work. I started working partime as a CNA at the nursing home that I had worked at in highschool. I fought through the panic attacks and depressing and was able to work an 8 hour day. Things started to look up for me. This is just one chapter of my life and I hope you enjoy it.