He says he's never met anyone like me before - someone that cries but doesn't know why they are crying.
I never used to cry. Not at weddings. Not at movies. Not even when I hurt myself. Crying wasn't allowed in my family. Even after a spanking, if you cried too much you were threatened with another spanking for crying too much. Tears were only appropriate at funerals. But I didn’t even cry then.
In spite of all of these rules on when to cry and when not to cry, as a family, we did our share of crying.
When my mother and father fought, my father would leave the house for long periods of time. We never knew where he went or what he did, at least I didn’t. When my father would show up on our doorstep many weeks later asking for forgiveness, my mother would get so angry she would threaten to kill him by waving a knife at him or threaten to shoot him with the gun in her hands. She even would threaten to poison our food so we would all die and it would all be over.
As my mother was screaming at my father with tears running down her face, waving a knife at him, my brother, sister and I would be standing beside her screaming and begging for them to stop, tears running down our tiny 15, 10 and 8 year old faces as well. When mom finally calmed down and put the weapon down, we all hugged and cried even more. Dad would tearfully tell each of us he was sorry and then we would pray. Yes, family devotion was going to save our family.
Then something would happen, again and dad would leave, again.
I've cried too many and too few tears in my life time.