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Shvoong Home>Arts & Humanities>Philosophy>Love and Breakup Summary

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Love and Breakup

Book Review by: Teju     

Original Author: general
  • Summary rating: 4 stars (11 Ratings)
  • Visits : 317
  • words:600 
  • Comments : 0

The word "love" is bandied about much too lightly. The definition of love is giving, sharing, caring for affection.
Kindness, and. Tenderness. It is feelings of warmth and devotion. The emotion of mature love is wholly unfulfilled and undeveloped when the feeling of love is not returned by the object of your affection. Physical attraction and sharing physical intimacy are aspects of love, but these feelings and emotions are not love, itself. Far too often in our society we intermingle "making love" with "love." Some people have very happy marriages, while others do not. The problems lie within behavior of the partners. Whether you get married or not, you can experience bad relationship. Invalidation - is a pattern in which one partner subtly or directly puts down the thoughts, feelings or character of the other. Sometimes such comments, intentionally or unintentionally, lower the self-esteem of the targeted person One partner says to the other that their feelings (for example: sadness and frustration) are inappropriate. Invalidation hurts. It leads naturally to covering up who you are and what you think, because it becomes just too risky to do otherwise. People naturally cover up their innermost feelings when they believe that they will be "put down. Withdrawal and avoidance is when one partner shows an unwillingness to get into or stay with important discussions. Avoidance reflects the same reluctance to participate in certain discussions, with more emphasis on preventing the conversation from happening in the first place. One party wants to be "in charge" of every aspect, thought and action of the other. Negative interpretations - occur when one partner consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case. The actions of one partner are interpreted negatively and unfairly. Research tells us that people tend to see what they expect to see in others and in situations. Escalation - occurs when partners negatively respond back and forth to each other, continually upping the ante so conditions get worse and worse. Partners often try to hurt each other by hurling verbal and sometimes physical. Someone in the relationship cannot seem to tell the truth very often. No matter what the facts show, one partner fabricates a story about nearly any event or issue in the relationship. the presence of these behaviors in a relationship can indicate that it is in danger. You should probably make some changes. Try the Relationship Dynamics Scale to find out how you''re doing with these warning signs.
Published: July 24, 2007

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