December and I are jinxed always. The month disrupts my thoughts for reasons that are inexplicable, uproots me from my otherwise
secured life and brings back illusions of the distant past!! Why the month possesses such a tangible hatred for me, I cant explain. Probably, for some of my own
follies that the other months generously negate from my list of blunders. But this month retains it all…brings it back to the existing life and reminds me of them, thereby tormenting me in the process. I cant explain the effect of the torment, of the torture that renders me null and void. All my mirth and tangible pleasures tend to vamoose then into some oblivious territory only to return with unnecessary baggage of turmoil from the past!!It is now a distinct trend, a trend that I have begun to loathe and detest now. Come December and I know that my senses, my beauty, my life, my harmony everything around me that is serene and harmonious would be taken away from me. The minutest details of distant agony, of longing no longer felt, of people who are forgotten now, of places and events…everything come back to me!! Almost as if a recapitulation of the last year that is over before I even began to appreciate its presence!! Another layer added to my otherwise superficial personality. I often get tired peeling these ever increasing layers that remind me of each and every scar that I have added to the lives of people around me!! Am I the only one who does this? Why don’t I meet people who are similar to me? Equally detestable and dreaded? I have aloofed myself from everything and everyone. An otherwise, make-shift arrangement for a life that is flooded with people from different walks of life and who (for again mysterious reasons) seem to like me!! Me?? Ask December all about it, the month just detests me. From heart ache, to
personal follies, to professional vent out, to social pressures, it just gifts with the greatest gamut of dreadful experiences!!My tear glands have gone dry. And my rationality has declined. My emotions have become numb and my spirits are at its lowest possible cadre…I have given up on everything and also on myself. Could anyone tell this to December?? I am remorseful. I am nothing but a skeleton that is stripped apart to its bones and decaying skin. I have rotten in my own existence. My scars are permanent with a repute of never to be healed, probably in this lifetime!! My ruminations of the past further proclaim me to be an amalgamation of dead cells devoid of everything. What more do you want? I can’t give anything further? You can’t destroy me further. Come the future months, I will succumb to my personal loss and your victory. I am tired of this relentless crests and troughs!! The former negligible and the latter in generous dollops spread across my life! I give myself to you. The spirit of December, I don’t look forward to the incoming spring of my life!! The spring is in you, in your gaunting spirit that is an embodiment of lies and deceit and anything that is evil!! Strip me apart, rip my senses, dig me further below…I am dead! I am extinct. I am gone forever. The only shade that remains is a vague imitation of the past amrita that was lively and animated. This is a caricature of your whims that swings to your commands and swayes like a pendulum to your demands of follies and fancies.