Is Miles Cyrus the Next Britney Spears?
Barbara Walters, what were you thinking?
Have you actually seen "Hannah
Montana"? I didn''t think so. There is otherwise no explanation for including its title character in your annual Oscars special, which gets distinctly less "special" when you feature an actress whose crowning achievement is putting on a blond wig and playing a slightly disguised version of herself on the Disney Channel. Yes, I get that this show is wildly popular with tweens. I also get that her 3-D movie made $29 million in its opening weekend. That doesn''t mean it''s good. Miley Cyrus herself is perfectly adequate. She''s cute and personable, and she has a pretty good singing voice, which you''d expect from the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, who appears to have traded in an achy-breaky heart and mullet for a shag, an earring and a weekend acting seminar at his local mall. But fascinating? Only insofar as she is the next most likely teen star to go Britney Spears on us. The 15-year-old has even ripped a page from Britney''s handbook, publicly proclaiming her
virginity while dressing for a hooker convention. At Sunday''s Grammy Awards, she wore so much makeup that even the uber-trashy gossip site of Perez Hilton said she looked like a porn star. You don''t have to be a church lady to find this a little yucky. Photos: See Miley Cyrus on the red carpet at the Oscars | Video Even worse than the clothes, though, is all the public talk of virginity. It''s like that dream of going to
school without pants, in real life -- totally embarrassing. Miley reportedly went to a "purity ball" with her dad. Girls who attend these events pledge their virginity to their fathers, which seems deeply creepy, but maybe that''s just because I read "Oedipus Rex" when I was in high school. The virginity shtick, which is overrated, is also pretty insincere. Either that or it''s as confused as a hot dog with frosting. There is one point to dressing sexy: to attract sex partners. Anyone who says otherwise is in a losing argument with Mother Nature. Still, Miley is certainly not the first preteen idol to have seized the attention of young girls by using shiny objects. That doesn''t make her rise to superstardom any less discouraging, though. Let''s face it: Teen idols more often than not pay a huge price for their young fame. Spears and Lindsay Lohan are hardly the first to crash and burn. With the notable exception of Donny Osmond, almost every teen idol from my youth ended up in serious trouble. Could those purple socks have possessed magical protective powers? Quick, someone send a pair to Miley. I was clicking around an online auction site a few days ago when I came across a vintage Teen magazine that would be funny if it weren''t so sad. On its cover are Andy Gibb, Leif Garrett, Kristy McNichol and Scott Baio. How did they fare? Gibb is dead, Garrett has a criminal record, McNichol has struggled with mental illness, and Baio, well, he dated Pamela Anderson. (Only his turn as Bob Loblaw on "Arrested Development" redeems him.
Parents: Here''s a news flash. It might be OK to skip school to see a truly world-class artist perform, or to see a movie that somehow relates to something going on in the classroom, bringing learning to life. Miley Cyrus is neither. She might be someday, but today she is a chicken nugget of a performer, These teen idols, besides charging $30 for fan-club membership, are doing one thing: They''re making our teens and preteens idle, There might even be a side benefit for all those would-be teen idols: time away from the spotlight until they have the maturity to handle its pressures. Because the only thing sadder than seeing a teenager all sexed up is seeing that same girl 10 years later, all washed up -- sitting in front of Walters weeping about how it all went wrong