LIVING WITH A
BIPOLAR SPOUSE
I want to tell the truth about Bipolar
disorder.
It’s been something I’ve had to live with for 19 years and it isn’t even my problem, it’s my husbands. He was diagnosed with ADHD shortly after we married and then later it was discovered that he also had Bipolar disorder but it wasn’t type 1 (the prolonged lows and highs). No, he has Bipolar type 2 rapid cycle, meaning he can go from calm to crazy in a matter of minutes, then back down to normal just as fast.
Not much information is available on BP Rapid cycle, mostly on the more common first type. I looked up
www.bipolar.com/">www.bipolar.com for a little help, but it didn’t help me at all. The entire website was geared for the
person afflicted with the disorder.
I’m so tired of never receiving the help and support I need. That’s why I decided to write this abstract. Bipolar doesn’t just affect the person who has it, it affects the entire family. I’ve yet to come across a website specifically for the spouse of a bipolar person. I know, I’ve tried. Even those that have come close don’t have personal experience pieces from the spouse of a person with BP. Maybe that’s because they all divorce their husbands….and I’m the only stupid one left.
Well, here it goes, the first personal experience piece from a spouse of a Bipolar person.
Living with a man that has Bipolar type 2 rapid cycle isn’t easy. Most days consist of walking on eggshells. I never know what might set my husband off. He may come home happy, and then find that the
kids spilt salt on the floor. Oh boy, then you better watch out. He will fly into a rage and scream so loudly the entire block will hear. He will swear with words I would never let the kids say…..and then, his rage would end as quickly as it started. Suddenly, he’d get goofy and start a wild wrestling match with his kids, and all would soon be well until someone gets hurt because he doesn’t know when to draw the line and stop himself.
Life with him is definitely not boring. In fact, it’s like a rollercoaster all the time. I have to maintain a positive mood in the family and make sure to keep the stress level at a minimum for him. I have to keep reminding the kids that their daddy isn’t really a bad guy, it’s just his disorder.
So why do I stay with him? Why do I let my
children suffer with a bipolar father? Well, the simple truth is because I love him. I pull my mind back to the day I met him, and I find the love I had for him in the beginning. I try to look at him and not his disorder. My children love him too. Whether I was with him or not, they would still have to put up with a bipolar dad. That part wouldn’t change.
So I stay and work it out, and in the end, I rest in the love I have for him. One thing is for sure, if I didn’t have my faith, I couldn’t get through anything!
For anyone else suffering the pains of living with a bipolar husband, I just want to say hang in there. I’m not going to tell you it will get better because it won’t. No, in fact, research says that as they get older, they get worse. I guess you just have to ask yourself if it’s worth it to you and your children to stay. Do you have the patience to shut your mouth when he flies in a rage, and wait for the episode to pass? Do you have the patience to teach your children why daddy acts the way he does? Do you have the patience to see past the disorder and find that man you married?
My husband is on medication but something people should know is that meds don’t make you better, they only help you cope. He’s been through the ringer with trying different meds and finally, the doc found ones that work. He also sees a shrink.
I WISH I HAD A SHRINK!
I guess that’s what bothers me the most. I should be in a support group, but there isn’t always one available. When I look to the web, there is practically no support for the spouse. I’d like to change that,
Finally, I just want to say that the last 19 years have not been all misery. I would not be telling you the truth if I said that. No, bipolar has not broken my spirit. Actually, it has shaped me into the woman I am today. I’m strong, able to help my children and my husband cope, and anyone else needing my help.
I am a person who has turned bipolar inside out and transformed the ugliness of it into a beautiful thing. It is possible. You have to preserver and not give up on the one you love.
So….be strong, be a rock foundation for your bipolar spouse who needs some solid ground to stand as a human being so he can see past his own afflictions and live a normal life like he deserves….like we ALL deserve!
Published: August 07, 2006
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