How to take turns Some people can do at least two things at the same time, like chewing gum and walking at the same time. Other people can pat there head and rub their stomach at the same time. But when it comes to
listening and
speaking at the same time spouses usually can’t do that. They tent to instead of listening, while their spouse is speaking, interrupt the spouse usually start to raise their voice. Brian and Shifra, a married couple, have been having problems. The problem is with Shifra’s mother-in –law, Brian’s mom. Shifra says that the mother-in –law is trying to get her children to go against their own mother by saying bad things about her that are not true at all. So one day they both went to Dr. MeirWikler’s office and they discussed their problem. Shifra first started to say how she felt with her mother- in-law. While she was speaking Brian had the temptation to interrupt her, then he was getting angry and said if it was ever going to be his turn to talk. When it was Brian’s turn he said that his mom was an elderly woman and couldn’t change anymore so she simply has to ignore her. There the Dr. knew they had a problem with listening to each other. He remembered when he went to the zoo he saw two orangutans and one was scratching the others back the he realized that not only in humans but also in the animal kingdom they have to take turn too. An orangutan can’t be scratching their mates bake and expect to get theirs scratched at the same time. Same thing with spouses it is difficult for one to be speaking and listening at the same time. They have to each take turns. Taking turns is not always the right thing to do either, if you are irritated don’t try to do a two way conversation it will end up being a huge argument between the spouses. Although this does have its benefits, it give the speaker the feeling of heard. It also helps the listener to cool off after being the speaker so the spouse can be ready to listen.