Though the updates made to the Epitonic website are few and far between, it remains one of the best hubs to find good music on the internet. It helps small, relative unknowns remain alive while still respecting their underground credibility. Even though it is said that everyone has their fifteen minutes of fame, it is also said that fortune cookies' slogans are total bullshit and that there are plenty of people who die having never received any recognition for anything. For example, all drunkard Irishmen. Of course, no Irishman deserves any credit for slothfully laying about, only roused from their non-upright position for the constant bar room brawl. But, what of an excuse? Whiskey, that's the excuse. All the goddam potatoes that's the excuse. Then there's the Mexican drunkards. Of course Mexican drunkards still manage to run the country every day, following the example of El Presidente, Manuel Labor. But do they have an excuse for being eternally mired in poverty, yet, boastful of that fact? Well, there's Tequila. And, for all we know, Mexico has just as many potatoes as Ireland, but you'll never be able to see them because the smog pretty much covers all possible viewing areas. In fact, I hear, and this is unproven, but it's what I hear, that Osama's hiding down there. Now, I'm not saying that any nation is totally useless and that no one would mind if we were to say destroy it with our awesome military force, but Mexico has got to go. Then you've got the Germans. Well, nobody likes the Germans. Nobody.
Hey, wait a second, I'm half Mexican, quarter Irish, quarter German. Damn it, what are the odds? I looked it up, 1 to 2; isn't that strange. Well, that's why Epitonic is so awesome, now you've got to take off your pants. Dems the rules Jack, get to it. Hired stripper? Going to do that anyway? I never!
Why are your pants not around your ankles?