The feeling of motherhood starts 9 months before the birth. For some, even before that. I remember walking in a park and looking at small round laughing and crying faces. I was specially attracted to the tiny little clothes these little angels wore. Often after work I went to Baby Shop just to look at the stylish clothes that hung on the rails, imagining what would my experience feel like.
I wanted a baby immediately after marriage and after a month I was expecting. A woman becomes very cautious about the little soul inside her womb. I walked cautiously, spoke in a well mannered tone (even during arguments with colleagues). At the back of my mind I was cautious of my little baby being inside me and hearing it all.
My first trimester was all about being cautious. I had no nausea, no vomiting and that made me sad. I wanted to suffer so I could tell my Prince/Princess about my condition. The second trimester was the time when it started. The nausea, the mood swings and the swollen body. Being short I was developing into a round ball with the growing pregnancy. I waited and waited for the ninth month because my condition was bad. Worse was the fact that my husband seemed to be surrounded by beautiful women as I was developing black lines on my neck and my face was growing pale and my body was so heavy. Only my baby could save me!
Finally the third trimester started. I was dying to begin the baby shopping. I was being blessed with a best friend, a baby girl. I saw her tiny fingers and I was lucky to even see her suck her thumb on the ultra sound! But my whale-sized feet made it so difficult for me to move. Yet i went shopping and bought so many many clothes. I even dreamt of my baby girl. The worst experience was the fear! i was suddenly terrified as to what would happen if something went wrong? Just could not imagine losing her. I loved her so much already. I prayed to God to forgive all my sins. Oh yes I was afraid! Pregnancy made me god-fearing.
My darling came into this world at the start of my 10th month! I was given artificial pains and then towards the end of the day when I could not bear the labor pain i was taken for C-section.
Since then life is not the same. I am unable to sleep because when I am sleepy she does not sleep and when I am awake she is sleeping. My expenses have raised so much purchasing pampers, clothes, bottles, clothes, medicines etc etc. But life feels beautiful every time she says "Mama" and comes to me wrapping her tiny hands around me. She is not 15 months old and there is not a moment when loneliness has passed me.
This is being a mother. A beautiful feeling. The end of lonely days.