Understanding Denial
Right after
abortion, a woman can feel relieved for several hours, days or even months, but no
matter how hard she tries to hold onto this feeling of relief, inevitably the day will come when she will feel all the weight of
abortion and its aftermath.
Denial is a natural defense mechanism that in the beginning helps her cope with the pain and even suppress it. To begin the healing and to begin embracing life in a new way she will need to confront her denial. Liberation from the consequences of an abortion can only begin when a woman will begin to recognize that the terminated pregnancy has changed her life in a very profound way. Unfortunately, recognition of this reality may prove difficult for her: “I made this
decision”, “I feel very bad, everything was against me, that’s why I decided to have an abortion”, “It is possible that abortion had affected the lives of people that I love”, “I am trying to hide some feelings even from myself”, “I have lost my baby”. To face these kinds of thoughts honestly, a woman will need a great deal of courage and support. People providing this kind of support should be very careful, as much TLC is required. Although the denial has to be brought down, no one should try to speed up the process. Let God do his work, He usually has better ways than you to help that woman. If a woman is in denial do not try to break this denial, let her have it and enjoy it. If she is not ready to face it, she might be overwhelmed with the gravity of issues she will face. Suicidal moods may be linked to this tender moment of crossing the threshold of denial. Let God do the work.
It might be helpful, if she is ready to face her denial, to help her through analyzing things that may have influenced her decision to abort, since she may have been under pressure from the following factors:
- circumstances of life (such as not being married, attending high school, being abandoned by her boyfriend)
- financial difficulties
- feelings (such as feeling guilty in front of her parents, not wanting to hurt them)
- differences of opinions that others may have had about her pregnancy (she might have been even forced to abort by her parents or boyfriend)
It is rare that the decision to abort would depend only on one of these factors. Some may have been more important than another, but often these factors are interrelated and influence each other. Helping her to identify them will do much good in her next steps to healing and overcoming the consequences of abortion.